A friend of mine posted about her nose blowing experience on Facebook today. She was 2 miles from home and had to use an oak leaf.
For some reason, her story reminded me about peeing in the woods with Andrew (who I also had to teach how to poop in the woods this summer...but that's a different story).
A few years ago, while we were at camp, we were fishing at the lake and I had to pee. The lake is about a mile and a half from the camp so I was stuck peeing in the woods. I had to take Andrew with me for fear he would fall into the water while I was gone. To keep him occupied I gave him the toilet paper and asked him to hold it.
As I was squatting, arrange my pants and trying to ensure I didn't pee all over myself, Andrew kneels down. He gets real close to my stream...
Meanwhile I can do nothing unless I want it to end up all over me (and him).
He reaches out and puts the toilet paper right in the steamy stream of pee. Awesome.
These are the things I want to remember forever so I can absolutely mortify him at 23, when he brings home his fiancee.
Showing posts with label autism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label autism. Show all posts
9/11/10
10/28/09
Stomp out the anger
My youngest son, Andrew, has an autism spectrum disorder. Many of you know what this means to our family, but for my new readers...I will explain a bit.
Andrew is incredibly "high functioning". He is in a mainstream classroom with the assistance of a full time aide. He reads and writes and does math. He leaves the classroom for occupational therapy, speech therapy (because while his language is sophisticated, in comparison to other children his age, you cannot have a conversation with him), he is part of a social skills program and he uses the nurses office to go to the bathroom (and has only been potty trained for 6 months).
He is the sweetest boy you will ever meet. He is polite and has exceptional manners. He makes friends wherever we go. In fact, we walk to the local coffee shop every morning and there is an entourage of people waiting for him - mostly elderly folks who enjoy seeing his smiling face.
Andrew is black and white. He follows rules because it is what he knows to do. He will tell you the rules if he feels you are breaking them. He is blunt and abrupt and often causes me embarrassment in public. He does not understand broken promises or changes in routine.
And this is where my story starts....
Weekends tend to be hell in our home. Andrew is off his routine and he does NOT like it. He doesn't even realize why he is angry or why he is acting out but dad and I sure do!
Sunday was one of the worst days we have had in a very long time. He was driving everyone in the house crazy. He was in and out of the fridge. He was mouthy. He was hitting...he was off his routine. And I was exhausted (having not gotten to bed until 3:30am as I was volunteering at a local memorial walk doing massage until 2am).
At around noon I had finally had enough. It was a gorgeous day (but we didn't have any plans as my older son, Zachary, was sick). I grabbed the camera and I grabbed Andrew and we went for a "nature walk".
Getting out of the house was hell. He was insistent on bringing his "monster truck" and I was insistent that he was not bringing said monster truck. He stomped down the stairs, he screamed at me, he growled...and we walked.
We went downtown to window shop. We went to the docks to see the fire boat, we took some gorgeous pictures:
And then we made our way to the walking path (much to Andrew's dismay). The walking path in town is one of my favorite places in the world. It is a path that was created where the railroad tracks used to run into town. It runs by 3 different lakes, you see wildlife and mountain tops, it's quiet and peaceful...it also runs rather close to a playground and Andrew wanted no part of walking he wanted the playground.
We weren't going to the playground - we were going for a walk. Andrew had other plans. He took off on me 3 times trying to get to the park. Yesterday I explained that I had been running...today you understand why. I HAVE to run so I can keep up with my little escape artist.
I feel I need to stop here and explain why I don't take Andrew to the playground. I am not an awful mother - I'm just a mother of a child who has ASD. A playground often just exacerbates his symptoms. He gets overwhelmed and wired and when it is time to leave we have meltdown after meltdown and the "angry" mood I was trying to get rid of has just intensified.
I explained to him (as I have in the past) that if he is angry and outside he can stomp his feet and yell. He did. I slowly watched my loving boy making his way back...
We sat down on a bench and I tried to take some pictures of him looking into the camera. These pictures were taken one after another (and there are about a dozen on my computer that look exactly the same) and will give you a pretty good idea about Andrew's attention span and inability to "look me in the eye":
This is as close as we get to "looking at the camera". And even still he eyes are squinting because he, literally, does not have the ability to look me "in the eye".
As we walked I watched him quiet himself. He started to be able to see what was going on around him. He started to come back to me.
The path we were taking is only 1/2 mile, at which point you can either take the road into town (and back to our home) or continue on the path past more lakes and through more woods. I knew that Andrew would only tolerate so much walking (and this short time had already taken us nearly an hour).
Andrew has recently joined Cub Scouts and needed to gather leaves for a project. He LOVED gathering leaves but has a hard time not leaving without all of them. Here he is gathering a "bouquet". I was amazed at the distance I could travel from him without him sprinting in another direction. He truly was calming....
We continued onto the road and meandered to our home. He stopped and looked at more leaves and bugs and looked for landmarks that he walks past regularly. On the way I tried to remind him how his behavior and his mood had changed during our walk.
"Andrew, when we left the house before our walk how did you feel?"
"Mad and sad."
"What kind of words were you using?"
"Angry words."
"Yeah....and how do you feel now?"
"Happy!"
"And what kind of words are you going to use when we get home?"
"Nice ones."
And he gave me a great big hug.
The best part of this was that not only did I notice and his father notice (when we got home) but HE noticed. It was truly and eye opening day.
Now, what the hell am I going to do when winter comes?
Andrew is incredibly "high functioning". He is in a mainstream classroom with the assistance of a full time aide. He reads and writes and does math. He leaves the classroom for occupational therapy, speech therapy (because while his language is sophisticated, in comparison to other children his age, you cannot have a conversation with him), he is part of a social skills program and he uses the nurses office to go to the bathroom (and has only been potty trained for 6 months).
He is the sweetest boy you will ever meet. He is polite and has exceptional manners. He makes friends wherever we go. In fact, we walk to the local coffee shop every morning and there is an entourage of people waiting for him - mostly elderly folks who enjoy seeing his smiling face.
Andrew is black and white. He follows rules because it is what he knows to do. He will tell you the rules if he feels you are breaking them. He is blunt and abrupt and often causes me embarrassment in public. He does not understand broken promises or changes in routine.
And this is where my story starts....
Weekends tend to be hell in our home. Andrew is off his routine and he does NOT like it. He doesn't even realize why he is angry or why he is acting out but dad and I sure do!
Sunday was one of the worst days we have had in a very long time. He was driving everyone in the house crazy. He was in and out of the fridge. He was mouthy. He was hitting...he was off his routine. And I was exhausted (having not gotten to bed until 3:30am as I was volunteering at a local memorial walk doing massage until 2am).
At around noon I had finally had enough. It was a gorgeous day (but we didn't have any plans as my older son, Zachary, was sick). I grabbed the camera and I grabbed Andrew and we went for a "nature walk".
Getting out of the house was hell. He was insistent on bringing his "monster truck" and I was insistent that he was not bringing said monster truck. He stomped down the stairs, he screamed at me, he growled...and we walked.
We went downtown to window shop. We went to the docks to see the fire boat, we took some gorgeous pictures:
And then we made our way to the walking path (much to Andrew's dismay). The walking path in town is one of my favorite places in the world. It is a path that was created where the railroad tracks used to run into town. It runs by 3 different lakes, you see wildlife and mountain tops, it's quiet and peaceful...it also runs rather close to a playground and Andrew wanted no part of walking he wanted the playground.
We weren't going to the playground - we were going for a walk. Andrew had other plans. He took off on me 3 times trying to get to the park. Yesterday I explained that I had been running...today you understand why. I HAVE to run so I can keep up with my little escape artist.
I feel I need to stop here and explain why I don't take Andrew to the playground. I am not an awful mother - I'm just a mother of a child who has ASD. A playground often just exacerbates his symptoms. He gets overwhelmed and wired and when it is time to leave we have meltdown after meltdown and the "angry" mood I was trying to get rid of has just intensified.
I explained to him (as I have in the past) that if he is angry and outside he can stomp his feet and yell. He did. I slowly watched my loving boy making his way back...
We sat down on a bench and I tried to take some pictures of him looking into the camera. These pictures were taken one after another (and there are about a dozen on my computer that look exactly the same) and will give you a pretty good idea about Andrew's attention span and inability to "look me in the eye":
This is as close as we get to "looking at the camera". And even still he eyes are squinting because he, literally, does not have the ability to look me "in the eye".
As we walked I watched him quiet himself. He started to be able to see what was going on around him. He started to come back to me.
The path we were taking is only 1/2 mile, at which point you can either take the road into town (and back to our home) or continue on the path past more lakes and through more woods. I knew that Andrew would only tolerate so much walking (and this short time had already taken us nearly an hour).
Andrew has recently joined Cub Scouts and needed to gather leaves for a project. He LOVED gathering leaves but has a hard time not leaving without all of them. Here he is gathering a "bouquet". I was amazed at the distance I could travel from him without him sprinting in another direction. He truly was calming....
We continued onto the road and meandered to our home. He stopped and looked at more leaves and bugs and looked for landmarks that he walks past regularly. On the way I tried to remind him how his behavior and his mood had changed during our walk.
"Andrew, when we left the house before our walk how did you feel?"
"Mad and sad."
"What kind of words were you using?"
"Angry words."
"Yeah....and how do you feel now?"
"Happy!"
"And what kind of words are you going to use when we get home?"
"Nice ones."
And he gave me a great big hug.
The best part of this was that not only did I notice and his father notice (when we got home) but HE noticed. It was truly and eye opening day.
Now, what the hell am I going to do when winter comes?
4/6/09
Autism Awareness Month Part II
This is more from the brochure that EANH will be distributing throughout local schools for parents and students to learn acceptance and tolerance.
Symptoms of Autism:
· Spinning objects
· Demands routine; resists change
· Difficulty in expressing needs, using gestures or pointing instead of words
· Repeating words or phrases in place of normal, responsive
language
· Laughing and/or crying for
reasons not apparent to others
· Preference to being alone, aloof manner
· Tantrums
· Not wanting to cuddle or be cuddled
· Little or no eye contact
· Unresponsive to normal teaching methods
· Sustained odd play
· Obsessive attachments to objects
· Apparent over-sensitivity or under-sensitivity to pain
· No real fears of danger
· Noticeable physical over-activity or extreme under-activity
· Uneven or underdeveloped gross/fine motor skills
· Non responsive to verbal cues; appears to be deaf although hearing tests in normal range
Symptoms of Autism:· Spinning objects
· Demands routine; resists change
· Difficulty in expressing needs, using gestures or pointing instead of words
· Repeating words or phrases in place of normal, responsive
language
· Laughing and/or crying for
reasons not apparent to others
· Preference to being alone, aloof manner
· Tantrums
· Not wanting to cuddle or be cuddled
· Little or no eye contact
· Unresponsive to normal teaching methods
· Sustained odd play
· Obsessive attachments to objects
· Apparent over-sensitivity or under-sensitivity to pain
· No real fears of danger
· Noticeable physical over-activity or extreme under-activity
· Uneven or underdeveloped gross/fine motor skills
· Non responsive to verbal cues; appears to be deaf although hearing tests in normal range
4/3/09
Autism Awareness Month
April is Autism Awareness Month. Keep your eyes open as I intend to do, at least, one post per week dedicated to Autism Awareness and Tolerance. Most posts will be from a brochure my non-profit, Embracing Autism, NH has created to be distributed throughout schools in our area this month.
Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) are a broad category of disorders including Asperger’s Syndrome, Pervasive Developmental Disorders (PDD), and Rett Syndrome. ASD cause abnormal brain function; those afflicted are often unable to engage in social activities and display atypical behaviors, such as repetitive movement and speech patterns, as well as an aversion to touch.
According to Jovana Ruzicic of the Washington, D.C.-based watchdog group, Environmental Working Group, the incidence of autism increased from 10 in 10,000 in the 1980s to about 60 in 10,000 today. Despite the current rise in autism diagnoses, the medical community has yet to discover any specific medical treatment.
Facts about Autism:
· Autism affects as many as 1 in 150 children
· Autism is the fastest-growing serious developmental disability in the world
· More children will be diagnosed with autism this year than with diabetes, cancer, & AIDS combined
· Boys are four times more likely than girls to have autism
· There is no medical detection or cure for autism, but early diagnosis and intervention improve outcomes
· Autism does not discriminate by geography, class, or ethnicity
From: www.worldautismawarenessday.org
Facts about Autism:
· Autism affects as many as 1 in 150 children
· Autism is the fastest-growing serious developmental disability in the world
· More children will be diagnosed with autism this year than with diabetes, cancer, & AIDS combined
· Boys are four times more likely than girls to have autism
· There is no medical detection or cure for autism, but early diagnosis and intervention improve outcomes
· Autism does not discriminate by geography, class, or ethnicity
From: www.worldautismawarenessday.org
12/11/08
Kids think up the darndest things and try to manipulate you every step of the way
If you are here for the contest please click HERE. The contest will end on Thursday December 11th (today) and the prize will be mailed out Monday. I hope to post this winner this evening! You can earn multiple entries so go forth and spread the word.
The grocery store in town is collecting toys for the needy. While I was there last week with the boys A was enthralled by the large box filled with toys. Of course, he saw something that he wanted...
If you don't know my kid then you probably aren't aware that this incident is prime meltdown material.
I take his hand and say, "I know, honey, those are really cool toys."
He throws himself to the ground.
"A..., those toys aren't for us, we need to go now."
"BUT, I WAAAAAAANT IT", dragging his feet the whole time...
I get him out of the store, he is still screaming.
"I understand, A, but those toys are for children whose parents don't have a lot of money to buy them things."
His eyes widen, his face perks up....he is putting it together.
"Do YOU have A LOT of money, Mommy."
I smile, I know where he is going with this...
"Well, no, not A LOT of money, sweetie."
"Then those toys are for ME!"'
Ah, crap. How do you explain this to a kid who is so black and white? He's too smart for my good and just doesn't get that gray area enough for me to explain to him the difference...
What a monster.
The grocery store in town is collecting toys for the needy. While I was there last week with the boys A was enthralled by the large box filled with toys. Of course, he saw something that he wanted...
If you don't know my kid then you probably aren't aware that this incident is prime meltdown material.
I take his hand and say, "I know, honey, those are really cool toys."
He throws himself to the ground.
"A..., those toys aren't for us, we need to go now."
"BUT, I WAAAAAAANT IT", dragging his feet the whole time...
I get him out of the store, he is still screaming.
"I understand, A, but those toys are for children whose parents don't have a lot of money to buy them things."
His eyes widen, his face perks up....he is putting it together.
"Do YOU have A LOT of money, Mommy."
I smile, I know where he is going with this...
"Well, no, not A LOT of money, sweetie."
"Then those toys are for ME!"'
Ah, crap. How do you explain this to a kid who is so black and white? He's too smart for my good and just doesn't get that gray area enough for me to explain to him the difference...
What a monster.
10/24/08
Potty Training Saga...
Can someone please explain to me why A decided he had to go pee at 4 am this morning....but I have now cleaned up two "accidents" by 9 am...
Seriously. I am getting more than frustrated here. Bribes aren't working. Threatening isn't working. Beating isn't working...well, that could be because he hasn't actually been beaten.
I'm losing precious sleep because he decides that he IS potty trained in the middle of this night but during the day he doesn't care. ARGH!
Seriously. I am getting more than frustrated here. Bribes aren't working. Threatening isn't working. Beating isn't working...well, that could be because he hasn't actually been beaten.
I'm losing precious sleep because he decides that he IS potty trained in the middle of this night but during the day he doesn't care. ARGH!
10/14/08
Coprophobia
In all the SITS excitement yesterday I discovered a new blog called Parenting Pink. Honestly, I found a number of new blogs to read but she is new to the SITS family so I dropped on over to offer some SITS love. While I was there I read about this:
Coprophobia - fear of excrement
I realized that any one person that suffers from Coprophobia could NEVER (and I mean NEVER) do my job.
In between responding to all the SITS girls love, chatting with Nicki and making a KICK ASS dinner (bison stew - much like beef but with bison - and homemade bread bowls) I was cleaning up excrement. All kinds of excrement. Everywhere.
A and I started our morning by him going on the potty all by himself - so exciting!! I was psyched! I encouraged him to keep trying to be sure that he was done. He swore he was done. I told him to get a pull up and went to the computer for a minute to check my comments. Less then a minute later I hear, "Moooooooommmmy POOOP". Sure enough, there it was, ALL over my carpet!
And our afternoon started with Z yelling "MOOOOOOOOM, there's a wet spot all over the couch cushion....I think it's pee". Our NEW couch. The one that I carried up the stairs by myself...ok, that's a bit of exaggeration, but still.
Thank god I borrowed (stole) the steam cleaner from the girl I share space with. I whipped it out did the carpet and the cushion no problem. Except that I am SO tired of cleaning up excrement.
This morning...."MOOOOOOM, A just pooped all over the floor". ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! SERIOUSLY?!
I'm done.
So now A is in underwear. Real big boy underwear (it's inside out but if I say anything he screams "that's how I like it" so I let it go). The timer is set for every 30 minutes. If he poops on the potty he gets gum. If he has an accident I have the steam cleaner.
This child is going to get potty trained if it kills me.
I even promised him a playdate with "Jon" once he is potty trained....
Please pray for me today. Please pray for my child. Please pray that the steam cleaner will be able to handle a day full of poop....
Coprophobia - fear of excrement
I realized that any one person that suffers from Coprophobia could NEVER (and I mean NEVER) do my job.
In between responding to all the SITS girls love, chatting with Nicki and making a KICK ASS dinner (bison stew - much like beef but with bison - and homemade bread bowls) I was cleaning up excrement. All kinds of excrement. Everywhere.
A and I started our morning by him going on the potty all by himself - so exciting!! I was psyched! I encouraged him to keep trying to be sure that he was done. He swore he was done. I told him to get a pull up and went to the computer for a minute to check my comments. Less then a minute later I hear, "Moooooooommmmy POOOP". Sure enough, there it was, ALL over my carpet!
And our afternoon started with Z yelling "MOOOOOOOOM, there's a wet spot all over the couch cushion....I think it's pee". Our NEW couch. The one that I carried up the stairs by myself...ok, that's a bit of exaggeration, but still.
Thank god I borrowed (stole) the steam cleaner from the girl I share space with. I whipped it out did the carpet and the cushion no problem. Except that I am SO tired of cleaning up excrement.
This morning...."MOOOOOOM, A just pooped all over the floor". ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! SERIOUSLY?!
I'm done.
So now A is in underwear. Real big boy underwear (it's inside out but if I say anything he screams "that's how I like it" so I let it go). The timer is set for every 30 minutes. If he poops on the potty he gets gum. If he has an accident I have the steam cleaner.
This child is going to get potty trained if it kills me.
I even promised him a playdate with "Jon" once he is potty trained....
Please pray for me today. Please pray for my child. Please pray that the steam cleaner will be able to handle a day full of poop....
Honestly, if I have to clean up much more excrement I think I am going to develop coprophobia. I am beginning to fear excrement. Even the thought of it.
God help me!
9/24/08
Potty mouthed kiddy
I don't know what I am going to do with my little A. There may come a day where he curses out the wrong person and really gets his butt whopped...
About a year ago A picked up cursing. In the beginning it wasn't a huge deal, I really just tried to ignore it. Soon enough though, it turned into a HUGE deal. When you are walking down the street with a little boy who is SCREAMING "YOU F%CK&R" at you...well, in my opinion, that is a HUGE deal.
The school didn't hear it. Dad didn't hear it. He saved it for me. All for me. How thoughtful of him.
We worked on it. His speech pathologist wrote a wonderful social story about using nice words versus the "naughty" ones he was using. It worked, sometimes. Other times I could have to remind him that if he didn't use nice words we were going to have to talk with Mrs. Fairchild (his speech path) about him not using nice words. That only succeeded in terrorizing him...he would cry every time he had a speech session.
Soon enough he stopped. Completely stopped. Every once in a while you would get a "YOU FFFFF......uh oh...." and he would stop himself. He was learning to stop the impulses - which is AMAZING.
While we were at camp one day I heard him curse. Something like "Goddammit"...I was inside, he was out. It wasn't directed towards anyone, he was just upset about something. I ignored it.
Two days ago we were out for a walk as a family. It started to get dark and we were walking on a path next to the lake, so I forced him to hold my hand. Big mistake.
"YOU F&CK%R"
Clear as day. The entire walk home. I tried ignoring him. I tried speaking sternly to him. It ended in my grabbing his hand and walking, fast enough that he needed to sprint to keep up, back to the house before I completely lost it on him.
I was only thankful that Kirby was there to witness it. I swear he thought I was exaggerating when I explained to him why A and I could no longer walk in the mornings last year.
I can deal with temper tantrums in public, I can deal with meltdowns, I can deal with his autistic behaviors like saying hello to every.single.person we come across or running behind the counter in Dunkin Donuts - these things I can explain. I cannot, however, deal with my 6 year old child cursing me out in the middle of downtown for everyone to see (and hear).
I mentioned it at school, in front of him. He was hugely embarrassed and apologized to me, again. I didn't hear it from him at all yesterday or today.
However, when I picked him up from school today his aide informed me that she heard something - as well as the entire kindergarten class....
They were in "media" (library) and they were being asked to color. Coloring is very hard for A. It requires a lot of fine motor skills that he does not have. He said no, he refused and then he screamed "JESUS CHRIST". And the entire class knew he was in trouble.
One of these days they are going to hear exactly what A is like...I can't decide if I am looking forward to that or not...honestly, I would like someone else to witness it so they all stop thinking I am such a nutcase.
On an exciting side note: A DID start using the potty at school!! Every day this week he has used it. Of course, he also did it for Daddy yesterday...not for me. I swear that kid does everything in his power to make life 10 times for difficult for me than anyone else...but I love him, dirty mouth, diapers and all.
About a year ago A picked up cursing. In the beginning it wasn't a huge deal, I really just tried to ignore it. Soon enough though, it turned into a HUGE deal. When you are walking down the street with a little boy who is SCREAMING "YOU F%CK&R" at you...well, in my opinion, that is a HUGE deal.
The school didn't hear it. Dad didn't hear it. He saved it for me. All for me. How thoughtful of him.
We worked on it. His speech pathologist wrote a wonderful social story about using nice words versus the "naughty" ones he was using. It worked, sometimes. Other times I could have to remind him that if he didn't use nice words we were going to have to talk with Mrs. Fairchild (his speech path) about him not using nice words. That only succeeded in terrorizing him...he would cry every time he had a speech session.
Soon enough he stopped. Completely stopped. Every once in a while you would get a "YOU FFFFF......uh oh...." and he would stop himself. He was learning to stop the impulses - which is AMAZING.
While we were at camp one day I heard him curse. Something like "Goddammit"...I was inside, he was out. It wasn't directed towards anyone, he was just upset about something. I ignored it.
Two days ago we were out for a walk as a family. It started to get dark and we were walking on a path next to the lake, so I forced him to hold my hand. Big mistake.
"YOU F&CK%R"
Clear as day. The entire walk home. I tried ignoring him. I tried speaking sternly to him. It ended in my grabbing his hand and walking, fast enough that he needed to sprint to keep up, back to the house before I completely lost it on him.
I was only thankful that Kirby was there to witness it. I swear he thought I was exaggerating when I explained to him why A and I could no longer walk in the mornings last year.
I can deal with temper tantrums in public, I can deal with meltdowns, I can deal with his autistic behaviors like saying hello to every.single.person we come across or running behind the counter in Dunkin Donuts - these things I can explain. I cannot, however, deal with my 6 year old child cursing me out in the middle of downtown for everyone to see (and hear).
I mentioned it at school, in front of him. He was hugely embarrassed and apologized to me, again. I didn't hear it from him at all yesterday or today.
However, when I picked him up from school today his aide informed me that she heard something - as well as the entire kindergarten class....
They were in "media" (library) and they were being asked to color. Coloring is very hard for A. It requires a lot of fine motor skills that he does not have. He said no, he refused and then he screamed "JESUS CHRIST". And the entire class knew he was in trouble.
One of these days they are going to hear exactly what A is like...I can't decide if I am looking forward to that or not...honestly, I would like someone else to witness it so they all stop thinking I am such a nutcase.
On an exciting side note: A DID start using the potty at school!! Every day this week he has used it. Of course, he also did it for Daddy yesterday...not for me. I swear that kid does everything in his power to make life 10 times for difficult for me than anyone else...but I love him, dirty mouth, diapers and all.
9/16/08
Advocate!
If YOU are not an advocate for your child I promise that nobody else is going to. You cannot expect things to change or get better if YOU do not advocate for changes. You cannot expect the school, the doctor or even the other parent to make a difference if YOU are not involved. Stop blaming the system, stop blaming the doctors, stop blaming the other parent and take an active role.
Do not think for one second that my children are the lucky ones because the school is doing what the should for them. Do not think that we happened upon the right doctor at the right time to get a diagnosis. Do not think for one second that we sat back and watched it happen.
I have worked my butt of for 6 years to get A what he needs and deserves. Why? Because I realized very early on that I was the only person who was going to be an advocate for my child. And I NEVER stop. Every day of my life I fight for him and I will continue to fight for him until he no longer needs me to fight, until he can fight on his own or until I leave this world.
Stop whining, stop being lazy, stop complaining and MAKE IT HAPPEN!
Do not think for one second that my children are the lucky ones because the school is doing what the should for them. Do not think that we happened upon the right doctor at the right time to get a diagnosis. Do not think for one second that we sat back and watched it happen.
I have worked my butt of for 6 years to get A what he needs and deserves. Why? Because I realized very early on that I was the only person who was going to be an advocate for my child. And I NEVER stop. Every day of my life I fight for him and I will continue to fight for him until he no longer needs me to fight, until he can fight on his own or until I leave this world.
Stop whining, stop being lazy, stop complaining and MAKE IT HAPPEN!
9/10/08
It's been too long.
I am still coming down from my SITS high. It was seriously overwhelming but SO wonderful. I finished up commenting everyone that came and visited my blog (aside from those of you that I couldn't comment due to privacy or whatever - there was actually a few that wouldn't let me comment for some unknown reason).
During my hiatus I totally forgot how much I enjoy blogging, giving comment love and receiving comment love. I missed this SO much!
So many things to update...
There were a number of questions from commenters in my blog and I want to be sure that I answer them as well as I can.
First off, YES, I washed my little man in the sink at camp :) It is a total tradition. At the camp there is only a shower and A, my autistic son, does NOT do showers. While at camp, well, they get ABSOLUTELY disgusting - matter of fact, one day I gave him a pot of water to play in so his fingernails would get clean (it worked very well by the way).
I swear to all that is holy, I used Comet on the sink BEFORE I put him in (it is a "boys" camp...they don't really "clean") and AFTER. The sink was VERY clean while he was in it and even more clean AFTER he was in it :) Angels, you can gag all you want :)
My profile picture is wonderful, thank you for all that commented on it. No, I did not take it. I found it online somewhere...photobucket maybe? It is called "Praying for a Cure". If you notice, the little boy in the picture is holding the autism awareness ribbon. Personally, I am not praying for a cure, I am praying for awareness. Many of you know about A and how I think he is perfect just the way he is. In my opinion, it is the rest of the world that needs to change, not him.
Yes, I do barter - quite a bit actually. I like to barter for things that I wouldn't normally spend money on (pedicures, foils, websites). If you are interested in a barter, approach someone that offers what you want. Make an offer. What's the worst that can happen? My hairdresser wouldn't get a weekly massage without bartering and my hair would be totally gray (never mind what my heels would look like) - oh and my boys would look like Shaggy from Scooby Doo. I wouldn't have a business website either. It has been well worth my time!
YES, there are a few gents (or so I hear) that are affiliated with SITS. I have yet to see/read one...but I have been told...
We DID have an AWESOME vacation. No, we didn't get eaten by any wildlife and we did not get lost in the woods. We didn't figure out that we could have a good time as a family - just remembered. Having 3 boys and such a busy life, we tend to forget how much fun it is to just slow down. This vacation helped us remember that and so much more. I will be blogging more about the wonderfulness of our vacation in the very near future...stay tuned!
My Abstinence blog brought in a LOT of comment! I am so glad you guys got so involved! So many different opinions but when it all comes down to it we all feel strongly about one thing: we love our kids and want what is best for them. I appreciate all the opinions!
Yes, I am ALWAYS in a hornet's nest. Of course, I also believe you create drama...and I do. Granted, there is nothing I can do about ER trips due to ear infections (8 hours from home) or trips to the ER because someone sliced themselves with an umbrella (who does that you ask...Z does that...he is his father's son - also 8 hours from home). But I certainly tend to have a bit of drama queen in me :) Oh, and when I was little, we were climbing a mountain and I SAT in a red ant hill...awful!
I don't have a fear of hornets (or any other flying insect) - at least not an irrational fear. I was stung earlier this year. It hurts like hell, but I survived.
The boys burned themselves on peanut butter about 6 months ago...they like to melt peanut butter and dip popcorn in for a snack. I think Z overheated it...it was boiling when I got to it. They both burned themselves pretty badly and that also required a trip to the ER. Ugh! They are their father's sons (who I had to bring to the ER once for burning his corneas while welding WITHOUT A MASK...of course, that was just one of our MANY trips for him).
Peggy, you did not give birth to me...unless my parents lied to me all these years AND my siblings were right when they told me I was adopted....and maybe Traci is right then...and I DO have a long lost sister named Debbie...
I can't believe the mass amounts of you that have NOT received pedicures - ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I don't care how "embarrassing" your feet are...isn't that why you GET a pedicure?! I don't care if you "hate" feet...they never did anything to you but cart your butt around your whole life - TREAT THEM! Seriously, you will thank me for it!
And for those of you that suggested getting up earlier (like 5am) to get a shower in...you have GOT to be kidding me! No way, no how. I love my sleep more than I love peace and quiet in the shower. And besides all that, I have not had a full nights sleep in over 8 years. A, my youngest, doesn't sleep through the night...never has. I take every second I can get :)
Karen, I don't use 2 in 1 any more (and my hairdresser knows - actually she buys my hair products for me - she TOTALLY rules - and NO I will NOT give any of you her name...you think I want to potentially ruin this deal for myself?). Well, actually, if I am being honest...while we were at camp...well...Pert became my new friend. But I SWEAR I dumped her as soon as we got home!!
Sassy Stephanie, I tried the lock on the fridge...he figured it out. How that child doesn't weigh as much as I do is BEYOND me!
Okay, so that is it. All questions answered...and if not, comment me, I'll do my best to get to you.
Keep coming back! Lots of exciting news to come! More pictures (cause my boys are THE CUTEST)...and more fun!
During my hiatus I totally forgot how much I enjoy blogging, giving comment love and receiving comment love. I missed this SO much!
So many things to update...
There were a number of questions from commenters in my blog and I want to be sure that I answer them as well as I can.
First off, YES, I washed my little man in the sink at camp :) It is a total tradition. At the camp there is only a shower and A, my autistic son, does NOT do showers. While at camp, well, they get ABSOLUTELY disgusting - matter of fact, one day I gave him a pot of water to play in so his fingernails would get clean (it worked very well by the way).
I swear to all that is holy, I used Comet on the sink BEFORE I put him in (it is a "boys" camp...they don't really "clean") and AFTER. The sink was VERY clean while he was in it and even more clean AFTER he was in it :) Angels, you can gag all you want :)
My profile picture is wonderful, thank you for all that commented on it. No, I did not take it. I found it online somewhere...photobucket maybe? It is called "Praying for a Cure". If you notice, the little boy in the picture is holding the autism awareness ribbon. Personally, I am not praying for a cure, I am praying for awareness. Many of you know about A and how I think he is perfect just the way he is. In my opinion, it is the rest of the world that needs to change, not him.
Yes, I do barter - quite a bit actually. I like to barter for things that I wouldn't normally spend money on (pedicures, foils, websites). If you are interested in a barter, approach someone that offers what you want. Make an offer. What's the worst that can happen? My hairdresser wouldn't get a weekly massage without bartering and my hair would be totally gray (never mind what my heels would look like) - oh and my boys would look like Shaggy from Scooby Doo. I wouldn't have a business website either. It has been well worth my time!
YES, there are a few gents (or so I hear) that are affiliated with SITS. I have yet to see/read one...but I have been told...
We DID have an AWESOME vacation. No, we didn't get eaten by any wildlife and we did not get lost in the woods. We didn't figure out that we could have a good time as a family - just remembered. Having 3 boys and such a busy life, we tend to forget how much fun it is to just slow down. This vacation helped us remember that and so much more. I will be blogging more about the wonderfulness of our vacation in the very near future...stay tuned!
My Abstinence blog brought in a LOT of comment! I am so glad you guys got so involved! So many different opinions but when it all comes down to it we all feel strongly about one thing: we love our kids and want what is best for them. I appreciate all the opinions!
Yes, I am ALWAYS in a hornet's nest. Of course, I also believe you create drama...and I do. Granted, there is nothing I can do about ER trips due to ear infections (8 hours from home) or trips to the ER because someone sliced themselves with an umbrella (who does that you ask...Z does that...he is his father's son - also 8 hours from home). But I certainly tend to have a bit of drama queen in me :) Oh, and when I was little, we were climbing a mountain and I SAT in a red ant hill...awful!
I don't have a fear of hornets (or any other flying insect) - at least not an irrational fear. I was stung earlier this year. It hurts like hell, but I survived.
The boys burned themselves on peanut butter about 6 months ago...they like to melt peanut butter and dip popcorn in for a snack. I think Z overheated it...it was boiling when I got to it. They both burned themselves pretty badly and that also required a trip to the ER. Ugh! They are their father's sons (who I had to bring to the ER once for burning his corneas while welding WITHOUT A MASK...of course, that was just one of our MANY trips for him).
Peggy, you did not give birth to me...unless my parents lied to me all these years AND my siblings were right when they told me I was adopted....and maybe Traci is right then...and I DO have a long lost sister named Debbie...
I can't believe the mass amounts of you that have NOT received pedicures - ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I don't care how "embarrassing" your feet are...isn't that why you GET a pedicure?! I don't care if you "hate" feet...they never did anything to you but cart your butt around your whole life - TREAT THEM! Seriously, you will thank me for it!
And for those of you that suggested getting up earlier (like 5am) to get a shower in...you have GOT to be kidding me! No way, no how. I love my sleep more than I love peace and quiet in the shower. And besides all that, I have not had a full nights sleep in over 8 years. A, my youngest, doesn't sleep through the night...never has. I take every second I can get :)
Karen, I don't use 2 in 1 any more (and my hairdresser knows - actually she buys my hair products for me - she TOTALLY rules - and NO I will NOT give any of you her name...you think I want to potentially ruin this deal for myself?). Well, actually, if I am being honest...while we were at camp...well...Pert became my new friend. But I SWEAR I dumped her as soon as we got home!!
Sassy Stephanie, I tried the lock on the fridge...he figured it out. How that child doesn't weigh as much as I do is BEYOND me!
Okay, so that is it. All questions answered...and if not, comment me, I'll do my best to get to you.
Keep coming back! Lots of exciting news to come! More pictures (cause my boys are THE CUTEST)...and more fun!
7/30/08
Yesterday's Post
What an overwhelming response to yesterday's post! While I want to respond to each one of you individually, there is so much to say...I think it would be done better in blog form.
Molly, you are absolutely right. I am not sure if there is an epidemic or if autism is just being recognized better and easier. A would not have been diagnosed 10 years ago with autism because his "symptoms" are so much less severe. They have also opened the umbrella (so to speak) and the range of pervasive developmental disorders is so broad that many children fit on the spectrum that wouldn't have when you and I were growing up.
Thank you for your thoughts and your kind words. Yes, it is hard, but I also know that I am never given anything more than I can handle.
I can't comment on vaccines or toxins or environmental causes because I just don't know. I believe that they have something to do with this...but when it all comes down to it: TODAY I DON'T CARE! That may sound harsh and I don't intend for it to. Today, what "caused" this does not matter to me. Today, I need to concentrate on how to make it better and how to help my son be the best that he can be. Someday, the causes may become part of my world...maybe when A wants to have children...I don't know. Today, I can't focus on that because it does nothing to help what I deal with on a daily basis.
Sometimes Sophia and Feliz, thank you both for your kind words and your prayers. I am part of an AMAZING group of women who want nothing more than to help change the world for our kids. If you have a moment please check out Embracing Autism. This is the way that I can be active in advocating for my son and children like him.
Wheres My Angels, I think that of all people in this world, you probably understand this more than most. You are right, Mr. Savage has, obviously, not been touched. I think that from the moment he said those words he opened up the doors to become touched by autism. I only hope that he has learned something...
"The Queen", thank you for teaching your children compassion. My son (and others like him) need nothing more than that. A needs kids that are willing to play with him, understand that he is "different" and accept him for who he is. It is so important that children are raised to be caring, compassionate human beings. You do that! Thank you!
My 2 Boyz, I thank you for not feeling pity, because, honestly, I am SO blessed! I'll take a cyber hug any day you want to give one :)
Trish, you are probably right. What was said (and then interpreted by the rest of us) by Mr. Savage was probably not his intended meaning. Had I heard the whole segment I may feel very differently. And let's face it, these men (Rush, Howard Stern, etc) are put on the air for a reason. These are the types of things that people want to hear from them. I do not believe he should be fired. And, as I mentioned in the end of my blog, while the remarks were ignorant and insensitive, he has educated so many people with what he said...I will take that.
Swirl Girl, there are more days that I want to "chuck it all" than you can imagine!! I am SO blessed to have amazing family and friends in my life that are supportive of us. I am also MORE THAN BLESSED to have a school system that works wonders with my child. Special Ed teachers, OT teachers, Speech Paths, One on One Paraprofessionals...THEY ARE MY SAVIORS! I COULD NOT do this on my own!!
Dawn, I am trying so hard to believe that what Mr. Savage said is going to bring so much education to so many people's eyes. But you are right, those who speak about issues they have no education on....oh man, they frustrate me more than you can imagine!
And last, but CERTAINLY not least, Nicki, you are my rock. I can do this because you do it. Together we will piss and moan and love and feel guilty and work harder and harder every day to make sure that our children are amazing young men who make amazing fathers and husbands. We rule :)
I thank you all for your support. One of the things about this blogoshpere that never ceases to amaze me is how people from across the globe will show up in droves to tell you how wonderful you are! Thank you for being there, thank you for not pitying me, thank you for sharing your stories! Keep 'em coming!
Molly, you are absolutely right. I am not sure if there is an epidemic or if autism is just being recognized better and easier. A would not have been diagnosed 10 years ago with autism because his "symptoms" are so much less severe. They have also opened the umbrella (so to speak) and the range of pervasive developmental disorders is so broad that many children fit on the spectrum that wouldn't have when you and I were growing up.
Thank you for your thoughts and your kind words. Yes, it is hard, but I also know that I am never given anything more than I can handle.
I can't comment on vaccines or toxins or environmental causes because I just don't know. I believe that they have something to do with this...but when it all comes down to it: TODAY I DON'T CARE! That may sound harsh and I don't intend for it to. Today, what "caused" this does not matter to me. Today, I need to concentrate on how to make it better and how to help my son be the best that he can be. Someday, the causes may become part of my world...maybe when A wants to have children...I don't know. Today, I can't focus on that because it does nothing to help what I deal with on a daily basis.
Sometimes Sophia and Feliz, thank you both for your kind words and your prayers. I am part of an AMAZING group of women who want nothing more than to help change the world for our kids. If you have a moment please check out Embracing Autism. This is the way that I can be active in advocating for my son and children like him.
Wheres My Angels, I think that of all people in this world, you probably understand this more than most. You are right, Mr. Savage has, obviously, not been touched. I think that from the moment he said those words he opened up the doors to become touched by autism. I only hope that he has learned something...
"The Queen", thank you for teaching your children compassion. My son (and others like him) need nothing more than that. A needs kids that are willing to play with him, understand that he is "different" and accept him for who he is. It is so important that children are raised to be caring, compassionate human beings. You do that! Thank you!
My 2 Boyz, I thank you for not feeling pity, because, honestly, I am SO blessed! I'll take a cyber hug any day you want to give one :)
Trish, you are probably right. What was said (and then interpreted by the rest of us) by Mr. Savage was probably not his intended meaning. Had I heard the whole segment I may feel very differently. And let's face it, these men (Rush, Howard Stern, etc) are put on the air for a reason. These are the types of things that people want to hear from them. I do not believe he should be fired. And, as I mentioned in the end of my blog, while the remarks were ignorant and insensitive, he has educated so many people with what he said...I will take that.
Swirl Girl, there are more days that I want to "chuck it all" than you can imagine!! I am SO blessed to have amazing family and friends in my life that are supportive of us. I am also MORE THAN BLESSED to have a school system that works wonders with my child. Special Ed teachers, OT teachers, Speech Paths, One on One Paraprofessionals...THEY ARE MY SAVIORS! I COULD NOT do this on my own!!
Dawn, I am trying so hard to believe that what Mr. Savage said is going to bring so much education to so many people's eyes. But you are right, those who speak about issues they have no education on....oh man, they frustrate me more than you can imagine!
And last, but CERTAINLY not least, Nicki, you are my rock. I can do this because you do it. Together we will piss and moan and love and feel guilty and work harder and harder every day to make sure that our children are amazing young men who make amazing fathers and husbands. We rule :)
I thank you all for your support. One of the things about this blogoshpere that never ceases to amaze me is how people from across the globe will show up in droves to tell you how wonderful you are! Thank you for being there, thank you for not pitying me, thank you for sharing your stories! Keep 'em coming!
7/29/08
Dear Michael Savage: Come live my life!
About two weeks ago radio talk show host Michael Savage made some insensitive, ignorant remarks regarding autism. Honestly, I had enough going on in my life at the time and decided to ignore it. I've got enough stress, I don't need to add more, knowing that the rest of the autistic community is going to voice their outrage.
However, a few nights ago I couldn't sleep. I was up at 2am watching stupid television...Entertainment Tonight or The Insider or whatever - it was one of those stupid tabloid shows. Whichever show it was aired a clip on Savage's remarks which I quote:
I have to say, Michael Savage, come live my life.
I am not going to talk about all the research that goes into autism (which is not nearly enough for the epidemic that it has become - 1 in 150 children), I am not going to talk about the YEARS it took to get A diagnosed (he was 5 before anyone aside from his pediatrician took us seriously), I am not going to SCREAM about the services we started receiving when A was 9 months old to "reverse" what autism has caused (intense weekly therapy to make him talk and look you in the eye and increase his motor skills)...I won't share that because NONE of that describes what we live with every day. None of that talks about what we, parents of children with autism, deal with on a daily basis.
As I write this I have gotten A out of the refrigerator 4 times. I have watched him eat 4 yogurts today. This is not because the child is hungry, it is not because he has Prader-Willi Syndrome (I know, we have had him tested) it is because he has an obsession with food. He finds something he likes and he can't stop eating it - all or nothing.
I have taken him to the beach, pulled him away from another boy's toys kicking and screaming, watched him knock over a mother and her child (that we do not know) trying to "say hello" while giving them a hug in the water and heard him talk incessantly about "Scout" the two year old that was kind to him and he has adopted as his new "best friend".
I have fed him every meal and watched him pick and choose what he ate while going back to the fridge for something I didn't put on his plate. He will eat anything and everything ON HIS TERMS.
I have pulled him off the counters 3 times, once off the fridge because he wanted something on top of the fridge or to flood the counter with the sprayer hose on the sink or to get something out of the freezer.
I have watched him hit his brother in the head with a toy for no apparent reason. Z has taken more abuse than any child should at the hands of his little brother.
I have listened to his shriek at a level only dogs should be able to hear because Z looked at him. The neighbors moved out a few months ago...there were numerous noise complaints.
I have changed his diaper 5 times, his swimmer once and gotten him dressed twice. His motor skills (and attention span) do not allow him to get dressed on his own and he is not potty trained (although yesterday we made it 5 hours in underwear).
And I have disciplined. I have put him in the corner, I have taken toys away, I have made him sit on the picnic table at the beach, I have threatened, I have yelled and I will be honest, in the past, I have tried spanking (and stopped because it doesn't work)...
This is my day...just today.
Tonight will be no different. You see, A does not sleep. He wakes anywhere from one to a dozen times each night with more energy than that stupid energizer bunny. I cannot remember the last full night of sleep I have gotten (in fact, 3 years ago I was in a major car accident in the middle of the day because I fell asleep at the wheel).
And there is rarely a break. While my family loves my children, I rarely EVER leave them with anyone. I am terrified of the havoc that ensues...and A gets terrified that I will"never come back". And, let's face it, nobody can watch my kids as well as I can...need I remind you of what happened in October?
I need to make VERY clear that I am one of the fortunate ones. There are many things that A does that children with "more severe" cases of autism do not.
My child speaks and he speaks clearly. He tells you how he is feeling, why he is feeling that way, when he will stop feeling that way...he talks like there is no tomorrow. Matter of fact, he doesn't stop talking. He even talks in his sleep. Whether or not what A is talking about makes any sense or has anything to do with what you are talking about is a very different story.
My child reads. He reads at a level that no kindergartner should read at. He reads everything and anything. He reads street signs while we are driving, emails over my shoulder, my blogs and ANYTHING else he can see.
My child is VERY social. Honestly, a bit too social. He could be taken in a moments notice. He would walk away with anyone. But that is because he loves people. He wants everyone to love him. But he has NO idea how to be a friend. Adults love him to pieces, children are annoyed by him or scared.
My child has no fear unless it is extreme fear. It is all or nothing, black and white. There is no gray area. He has no idea of what safety is. He will run out into the street but be terrified of getting run over. He will walk out into the water over his head but is terrified I am going to dunk him. He has an obsession with all emergency personnel and their gear (trucks, cars, stethoscopes, etc) but is terrified he is going to be arrested.
He has no boundaries. He does not know how to take two steps back when he is talking with someone. He hugs everyone. He forgets that someone might not like to be touched. He doesn't understand that the neighbor does not want him in his home. He forgets that his private parts are his and nobody else wants to see them or hear about them.
My day consists of being on high alert - all the time. There is no rest. I must be sure that I have his hand if we are anywhere near the road. I must be sure that I get him out of the fridge every time he runs for it or he will eat the raw hamburger sitting in there to defrost. I must be sure to stop him from tackling other people, "stealing" their toys or eating their food. I must avoid all dirty looks I get in the grocery store/post office/restaurant/playground because people want me to just discipline the naughty kid who screams when I say no or runs behind the counter or screams "FU@&ER" at the top of his lungs...
And you may wonder why he doesn't keep himself occupied. Me too...he has a room full of toys, trains and planes and books and stuffed animals and everything in between. He may play with one toy for 15 minutes - and he will play the same thing over and over and over,drive the same truck on the same path, bang the same two cars against each other... But he is not interested in really playing with his toys. He will not play with another person. Again, he is black and white and he either plays his way or no way and more often than not - it is no way.
And through all this, I see an angel. He wants nothing more than to be a good boy that everyone loves. He tells me on a daily basis how much he loves me and that I am the "best mother ever". If you gave me a pill to "fix" him I am not sure I would give it to him...because then I might lose the child that I love so very much.
Having said all that, Mr. Savage, please, come and take a day. I swear, if your discipline works, I will NEVER AGAIN mention the word autism. I will never believe a single person that says their child has autism.
Honestly, I could use a few hours to grocery shop without a child that eats/opens/throws everything I put in the cart. I would love to use a public restroom without a child that opens the door while I am sitting on the toilet - pants around my ankles. I would love to go to a movie where I could actually sit down and enjoy it rather than walk in and out 5+ times with a child who can't sit still. And I am sure that Z would love to have a day alone with his mommy.
And, in the end, I will become your biggest fan. And I know that I can say that and ask that of you, without any fear of my child being changed, because it doesn't work.
Lastly, I want to thank you. I want to thank you for making those statements. I want to remind you that no press is bad press. Your insensitive, ignorant remarks have caused enough of an uproar in the autistic community that idiots like you have now been educated. You have affected more people then you can imagine...thank you for helping to change to world for my son.
However, a few nights ago I couldn't sleep. I was up at 2am watching stupid television...Entertainment Tonight or The Insider or whatever - it was one of those stupid tabloid shows. Whichever show it was aired a clip on Savage's remarks which I quote:
Now, the illness du jour is autism. You know what autism is? I'll tell you what autism is. In 99 percent of the cases, it's a brat who hasn't been told to cut the act out. That's what autism is.... What do you mean they scream and they're silent? They don't have a father around to tell them, 'Don't act like a moron. You'll get nowhere in life. Stop acting like a putz. Straighten up. Act like a man. Don't sit there crying and screaming, idiot.' Autism—everybody has an illness. If I behaved like a fool, my father called me a fool. And he said to me, 'Don't behave like a fool.' The worst thing he said—'Don't behave like a fool. Don't be anybody's dummy. Don't sound like an idiot. Don't act like a girl. Don't cry.' That's what I was raised with. That's what you should raise your children with. Stop with the sensitivity training. You're turning your son into a girl, and you're turning your nation into a nation of losers and beaten men.
I have to say, Michael Savage, come live my life.
I am not going to talk about all the research that goes into autism (which is not nearly enough for the epidemic that it has become - 1 in 150 children), I am not going to talk about the YEARS it took to get A diagnosed (he was 5 before anyone aside from his pediatrician took us seriously), I am not going to SCREAM about the services we started receiving when A was 9 months old to "reverse" what autism has caused (intense weekly therapy to make him talk and look you in the eye and increase his motor skills)...I won't share that because NONE of that describes what we live with every day. None of that talks about what we, parents of children with autism, deal with on a daily basis.
As I write this I have gotten A out of the refrigerator 4 times. I have watched him eat 4 yogurts today. This is not because the child is hungry, it is not because he has Prader-Willi Syndrome (I know, we have had him tested) it is because he has an obsession with food. He finds something he likes and he can't stop eating it - all or nothing.
I have taken him to the beach, pulled him away from another boy's toys kicking and screaming, watched him knock over a mother and her child (that we do not know) trying to "say hello" while giving them a hug in the water and heard him talk incessantly about "Scout" the two year old that was kind to him and he has adopted as his new "best friend".
I have fed him every meal and watched him pick and choose what he ate while going back to the fridge for something I didn't put on his plate. He will eat anything and everything ON HIS TERMS.
I have pulled him off the counters 3 times, once off the fridge because he wanted something on top of the fridge or to flood the counter with the sprayer hose on the sink or to get something out of the freezer.
I have watched him hit his brother in the head with a toy for no apparent reason. Z has taken more abuse than any child should at the hands of his little brother.
I have listened to his shriek at a level only dogs should be able to hear because Z looked at him. The neighbors moved out a few months ago...there were numerous noise complaints.
I have changed his diaper 5 times, his swimmer once and gotten him dressed twice. His motor skills (and attention span) do not allow him to get dressed on his own and he is not potty trained (although yesterday we made it 5 hours in underwear).
And I have disciplined. I have put him in the corner, I have taken toys away, I have made him sit on the picnic table at the beach, I have threatened, I have yelled and I will be honest, in the past, I have tried spanking (and stopped because it doesn't work)...
This is my day...just today.
Tonight will be no different. You see, A does not sleep. He wakes anywhere from one to a dozen times each night with more energy than that stupid energizer bunny. I cannot remember the last full night of sleep I have gotten (in fact, 3 years ago I was in a major car accident in the middle of the day because I fell asleep at the wheel).
And there is rarely a break. While my family loves my children, I rarely EVER leave them with anyone. I am terrified of the havoc that ensues...and A gets terrified that I will"never come back". And, let's face it, nobody can watch my kids as well as I can...need I remind you of what happened in October?
I need to make VERY clear that I am one of the fortunate ones. There are many things that A does that children with "more severe" cases of autism do not.
My child speaks and he speaks clearly. He tells you how he is feeling, why he is feeling that way, when he will stop feeling that way...he talks like there is no tomorrow. Matter of fact, he doesn't stop talking. He even talks in his sleep. Whether or not what A is talking about makes any sense or has anything to do with what you are talking about is a very different story.
My child reads. He reads at a level that no kindergartner should read at. He reads everything and anything. He reads street signs while we are driving, emails over my shoulder, my blogs and ANYTHING else he can see.
My child is VERY social. Honestly, a bit too social. He could be taken in a moments notice. He would walk away with anyone. But that is because he loves people. He wants everyone to love him. But he has NO idea how to be a friend. Adults love him to pieces, children are annoyed by him or scared.
My child has no fear unless it is extreme fear. It is all or nothing, black and white. There is no gray area. He has no idea of what safety is. He will run out into the street but be terrified of getting run over. He will walk out into the water over his head but is terrified I am going to dunk him. He has an obsession with all emergency personnel and their gear (trucks, cars, stethoscopes, etc) but is terrified he is going to be arrested.
He has no boundaries. He does not know how to take two steps back when he is talking with someone. He hugs everyone. He forgets that someone might not like to be touched. He doesn't understand that the neighbor does not want him in his home. He forgets that his private parts are his and nobody else wants to see them or hear about them.
My day consists of being on high alert - all the time. There is no rest. I must be sure that I have his hand if we are anywhere near the road. I must be sure that I get him out of the fridge every time he runs for it or he will eat the raw hamburger sitting in there to defrost. I must be sure to stop him from tackling other people, "stealing" their toys or eating their food. I must avoid all dirty looks I get in the grocery store/post office/restaurant/playground because people want me to just discipline the naughty kid who screams when I say no or runs behind the counter or screams "FU@&ER" at the top of his lungs...
And you may wonder why he doesn't keep himself occupied. Me too...he has a room full of toys, trains and planes and books and stuffed animals and everything in between. He may play with one toy for 15 minutes - and he will play the same thing over and over and over,drive the same truck on the same path, bang the same two cars against each other... But he is not interested in really playing with his toys. He will not play with another person. Again, he is black and white and he either plays his way or no way and more often than not - it is no way.
And through all this, I see an angel. He wants nothing more than to be a good boy that everyone loves. He tells me on a daily basis how much he loves me and that I am the "best mother ever". If you gave me a pill to "fix" him I am not sure I would give it to him...because then I might lose the child that I love so very much.
Having said all that, Mr. Savage, please, come and take a day. I swear, if your discipline works, I will NEVER AGAIN mention the word autism. I will never believe a single person that says their child has autism.
Honestly, I could use a few hours to grocery shop without a child that eats/opens/throws everything I put in the cart. I would love to use a public restroom without a child that opens the door while I am sitting on the toilet - pants around my ankles. I would love to go to a movie where I could actually sit down and enjoy it rather than walk in and out 5+ times with a child who can't sit still. And I am sure that Z would love to have a day alone with his mommy.
And, in the end, I will become your biggest fan. And I know that I can say that and ask that of you, without any fear of my child being changed, because it doesn't work.
Lastly, I want to thank you. I want to thank you for making those statements. I want to remind you that no press is bad press. Your insensitive, ignorant remarks have caused enough of an uproar in the autistic community that idiots like you have now been educated. You have affected more people then you can imagine...thank you for helping to change to world for my son.
7/28/08
Beautiful weekend
After about two weeks of rain, wind, tornadoes, lightning and thunder we FINALLY had a sunny day on Saturday. I was incredibly grateful because the boys and I were heading to a BBQ and if it rained it would be indoors - not a good idea with A.
So this is where we spent our Saturday:
And I promise you, the pictures do not do it justice!
The boys had a great time:
And A only gave me one really good scare. He refused to go in the water so instead he and I sat on the dock while Z swam. In a second he took off...flying down the dock with no intention of stopping. I just KNEW he was going to run right over the edge and I was going to have to dive in after him...but he didn't. He stopped at a couple that were enjoying the sun to show them his firetruck. Ugh!
There was a great swing set that the kids enjoyed most of the afternoon. It was, however, directly under the trees and had accumulated a number of spider webs. Both my boys are terrified of spiders. Z tried to clean it up to the best of his ability with a stick but every once in a while A would let out a shriek because one got too close to him.
I did learn that as long as I am alone with my children I will never again have the opportunity to carry on a conversation. I left at least three conversations right in the middle to chase A down. I swear that he knows when my attention is not completely on him and he takes full advantage of it.
The people who say that autistic kids are dumb and don't have the ability to learn - well, the never met my kid (or the other autistic kids that I know). He is too stinking smart for his own good (and mine for that matter).
So, unfortunately, I was not able to enjoy my fellow auction volunteers as much as I would like but we did have a great time.
Sunday we took off for the movies. When I checked the weather report on Saturday it said rain all day for Sunday. I figured it was a great time to spend the day indoors.
When we woke up it was sunny. When we got to the movie theater it was sunny. All during the movie it was sunny. Driving home from the movies to Grampie's was sunny. On the way home from Grampie and Nana Sue's the skies opened up. In fact, it was kind of a scary ride - downpours, lightning, hydroplaning...but we made it.
Nana Sue came with us to the movies. Another thing I have learned is that A and movie theaters do not mix. He has every intention of sitting still and he really wants to see the movie but an hour and a half is way too long.
Consequently, I do not bring Z and A to the movies by myself. It would mean leaving Z in there alone every time A decides it is too much for him or taking Z out...which isn't fair.
Thankfully, Nana Sue is an amazing grandmother and loves spending time with the boys. I also think that she enjoys those kids movies as much as they do. Anytime I am thinking that the movies are a good idea I give her a call.
So the four of us headed out to see Kung Fu Panda.
From what I saw of it (which was maybe half), it was very enjoyable. It was a little more violent then I expected and I was a bit fearful that Z would try and become the panda...but all is well thus far.
Bedtime was eventful for me. Kirby usually puts the kids to bed (mainly A). A does not do well with change and Mommy putting him to bed is change. We spent both nights fighting the hour+ before sleep FINALLY came. I threatened him with violence (not out loud, but in my head), I threatened him with friends (mine, not his, I told him that J would call and be very angry that he wasn't sleeping), I threatened him with school (although taking school away would be more of a punishment to me than him). Eventually he knocked himself out...or I did from the constant banging of my head against the wall...
It was an eventful weekend. The kids were, mostly, worn out. We had a great time. And, honestly, I am ready for my weekend off!
So this is where we spent our Saturday:
And I promise you, the pictures do not do it justice!
The boys had a great time:
And A only gave me one really good scare. He refused to go in the water so instead he and I sat on the dock while Z swam. In a second he took off...flying down the dock with no intention of stopping. I just KNEW he was going to run right over the edge and I was going to have to dive in after him...but he didn't. He stopped at a couple that were enjoying the sun to show them his firetruck. Ugh!
There was a great swing set that the kids enjoyed most of the afternoon. It was, however, directly under the trees and had accumulated a number of spider webs. Both my boys are terrified of spiders. Z tried to clean it up to the best of his ability with a stick but every once in a while A would let out a shriek because one got too close to him.
I did learn that as long as I am alone with my children I will never again have the opportunity to carry on a conversation. I left at least three conversations right in the middle to chase A down. I swear that he knows when my attention is not completely on him and he takes full advantage of it.
The people who say that autistic kids are dumb and don't have the ability to learn - well, the never met my kid (or the other autistic kids that I know). He is too stinking smart for his own good (and mine for that matter).
So, unfortunately, I was not able to enjoy my fellow auction volunteers as much as I would like but we did have a great time.
Sunday we took off for the movies. When I checked the weather report on Saturday it said rain all day for Sunday. I figured it was a great time to spend the day indoors.
When we woke up it was sunny. When we got to the movie theater it was sunny. All during the movie it was sunny. Driving home from the movies to Grampie's was sunny. On the way home from Grampie and Nana Sue's the skies opened up. In fact, it was kind of a scary ride - downpours, lightning, hydroplaning...but we made it.
Nana Sue came with us to the movies. Another thing I have learned is that A and movie theaters do not mix. He has every intention of sitting still and he really wants to see the movie but an hour and a half is way too long.
Consequently, I do not bring Z and A to the movies by myself. It would mean leaving Z in there alone every time A decides it is too much for him or taking Z out...which isn't fair.
Thankfully, Nana Sue is an amazing grandmother and loves spending time with the boys. I also think that she enjoys those kids movies as much as they do. Anytime I am thinking that the movies are a good idea I give her a call.
So the four of us headed out to see Kung Fu Panda.
From what I saw of it (which was maybe half), it was very enjoyable. It was a little more violent then I expected and I was a bit fearful that Z would try and become the panda...but all is well thus far.
Bedtime was eventful for me. Kirby usually puts the kids to bed (mainly A). A does not do well with change and Mommy putting him to bed is change. We spent both nights fighting the hour+ before sleep FINALLY came. I threatened him with violence (not out loud, but in my head), I threatened him with friends (mine, not his, I told him that J would call and be very angry that he wasn't sleeping), I threatened him with school (although taking school away would be more of a punishment to me than him). Eventually he knocked himself out...or I did from the constant banging of my head against the wall...
It was an eventful weekend. The kids were, mostly, worn out. We had a great time. And, honestly, I am ready for my weekend off!
7/26/08
Busy weekend
Just a quick note, nothing impressive.
We have an incredibly busy weekend! This afternoon the boys and I are going to a BBQ for the NHPTV Auction volunteers. The BBQ is right on Lake Winnipesaukee in a BEAUTIFUL location. I love these people and don't get to spend nearly enough time with them.
I am thinking that we might head to the drive in tonight...not sure if I have the energy or the strength to do that...
Of course, if we don't go to the drive in tonight it means that we will go to the movies tomorrow. The bonus of the drive in is that there is no escaping for A...and I won't have to chase him, and if he gets loud the only people his is annoying are Z and I.
It is suppose to rain all day tomorrow (although, we are use to the rain by now...did you all hear about the TORNADO that hit my town?). I think it has rained most everyday for the past two weeks. So, keeping these two young men occupied during a rainy day is never fun...maybe we will hold off on the movies until tomorrow.
What have you mommies seen lately in the theater that you recommend for a 6 and 8 year old (and NO I absolutely WILL NOT take them to see Dark Knight)? We are thinking either Kung Fu Panda or Space Chimps. I would really prefer the panda movie but Z was suppose to go see the chimps on Thursday with Rec and the theater couldn't fit them all so he has his heart set.
I hope you all enjoy a fabulous weekend!
**SHOOT! I just checked the drive in and there is NOTHING playing for the kids...Journey to the Center of the Earth is playing but it is the second show...first is Dark Knight. STINKERS!**
We have an incredibly busy weekend! This afternoon the boys and I are going to a BBQ for the NHPTV Auction volunteers. The BBQ is right on Lake Winnipesaukee in a BEAUTIFUL location. I love these people and don't get to spend nearly enough time with them.
I am thinking that we might head to the drive in tonight...not sure if I have the energy or the strength to do that...
Of course, if we don't go to the drive in tonight it means that we will go to the movies tomorrow. The bonus of the drive in is that there is no escaping for A...and I won't have to chase him, and if he gets loud the only people his is annoying are Z and I.
It is suppose to rain all day tomorrow (although, we are use to the rain by now...did you all hear about the TORNADO that hit my town?). I think it has rained most everyday for the past two weeks. So, keeping these two young men occupied during a rainy day is never fun...maybe we will hold off on the movies until tomorrow.
What have you mommies seen lately in the theater that you recommend for a 6 and 8 year old (and NO I absolutely WILL NOT take them to see Dark Knight)? We are thinking either Kung Fu Panda or Space Chimps. I would really prefer the panda movie but Z was suppose to go see the chimps on Thursday with Rec and the theater couldn't fit them all so he has his heart set.
I hope you all enjoy a fabulous weekend!
**SHOOT! I just checked the drive in and there is NOTHING playing for the kids...Journey to the Center of the Earth is playing but it is the second show...first is Dark Knight. STINKERS!**
7/24/08
Another day of doctors.
A had another doctor's appointment this week. This one was a little more intense, however. If you remember, this was our February vacation. It was really a "sickation". And the week that Andrew had his most severe seizure.
A few months later we were finally able to get in with a wonderful pediatric neurologist that suggested an MRI. So off we went to Dartmouth for said MRI...
Living here in the boonies, we have gotten use to traveling for anything. This includes doctors (especially specialists). Dartmouth is over 100 miles away or 2.5 hours...
I have also learned that any appointment that has to do with anesthesia should not be done in our local hospital. Since an MRI requires you to be still for 45 minutes to an hour, anesthesia was a necessity for A. Dartmouth has a CHaD Pain Free Clinic with a team of anesthesiologist that specialize in children.
Dartmouth was the place to go. Period.
And besides all that, I get to drive by my very favorite rest area :)
This morning I dropped Z at his rec program for a day of "jello wrestling"....and off A and I went to Dartmouth (remember how last week I wrote about how I will NEVER again take two kids to a doctor's appointment together).
Not ONCE did he scream or kick or cry. Not until we were actually less than 5 minutes from the hospital did he start with the "are we there yets". It was AMAZING!
Kirby did not come with us so I did get a taste of single motherhood, however. We got there a little early and I had to fill out some paperwork. They made us wait in a hall and told A he could climb on the bear statue if he wanted. That lasted all of 2 seconds. Then he was off and running...looking for the playroom...running in and out of offices...ugh!
When they finally got us in he was able to play in a small room with a bunch of toys. He was in heaven. They had a garbage truck and a fire truck and a play mat with a road on it. This was A's territory! He loved it!
When it was time for him to go in they allowed me to be with him when they put him out. He was allowed to choose which "flavor" mask he wanted. Unfortunately he wasn't all that fond of the cherry he chose and he was ESPECIALLY not fond of having it over his face. Soon enough, though, the gas kicked in, he went limp, I kissed him goodbye and off he went.
They gave me a pager, told me that they would page when he got back and sent me on my way. I was told to expect everything to take about an hour so I set the alarm on my phone for 45 minutes. I wanted to be right there when he got out. I didn't want to have to run from the other side of the hospital to get there - or get lost while I was trying to get there.
Less than 20 minutes later the pager went off. I threw the food I had just bought into my bag and ran back to the ward. It ended up just being a dead battery...so I walked back down to the cafe and ate my lunch.
Within 45 minutes I was back on that ward waiting in the hallway - a bit impatiently. I watched them wheel him past me from the MRI room...he was still sleeping (although the nurse was talking with him - so sweet). 15 minutes later nothing - no page - but I couldn't hear him crying so I knew he must still be sleeping.
30 minutes later I finally got paged and the nurse informed me he was still sleeping and I could wander a bit more if I wanted. I informed her that I had been waiting in the hallway the whole time and there was no way I was going anywhere (this is not A's first time experiencing anesthesia - he has had 4 surgeries - but I am not the kind of mom that leaves her kid while they are in the hospital - asleep or not).
An hour after the page I was wishing I had gone for a walk. He was still sleeping...the nurses were getting frustrated because he was their last patient of the day and they couldn't leave until he did. And they kept trying to make small talk and kept asking why I didn't just call my "husband" rather than text him (I didn't feel like explaining to them that Kirby and I are barely on speaking terms and that texting was the only way I could "speak" to him without the voice of the devil coming out of me).
He was so stinking pitiful...you should have seen the drool!
90 minutes after the page we forcefully woke A. Sat him up, shook him a bit, gave him his new toy (an Oscar the Grouch puppet I got in the gift shop), took out his IV (that they put in AFTER he is asleep so he never gets stuck with a needle) and "sobered" him up a bit. 10 minutes later we were on our way (after I figured out how to get him and all his stuff down to the car by myself...he couldn't walk, I couldn't carry him and all the stuff and the nurses weren't much help).
He was a bit groggy on the way home and didn't really say much (although he was awake the whole time). Again, no screaming or yelling (from him OR me). He started to get antsy about 20 minutes from the house but other than that it was a PERFECT 2.5 hours.
A day this perfect has solidified my decision. No more than one kid at the doctor's office at a time.
I have also been convinced that mommies can handle ANYTHING! This was not an easy day. Honestly, it would have been so nice to have someone else there to help me keep him occupied, someone to hold my hand while I was waiting, someone to cry to when I got nervous...but I did it by myself.
I didn't get lost, I found my way to more than one place to pee on the way to and from the hospital. I found Dunkin's in towns that I had never been to. I made my way through an enormous hospital without getting too lost. And I didn't kill the car.
I also was able to drive down I89 at 70+ mph, while wiping A's dirty hands in the backseat and not miss a beat! Mommies can multitask single or not.
A few months later we were finally able to get in with a wonderful pediatric neurologist that suggested an MRI. So off we went to Dartmouth for said MRI...
Living here in the boonies, we have gotten use to traveling for anything. This includes doctors (especially specialists). Dartmouth is over 100 miles away or 2.5 hours...
I have also learned that any appointment that has to do with anesthesia should not be done in our local hospital. Since an MRI requires you to be still for 45 minutes to an hour, anesthesia was a necessity for A. Dartmouth has a CHaD Pain Free Clinic with a team of anesthesiologist that specialize in children.
Dartmouth was the place to go. Period.
And besides all that, I get to drive by my very favorite rest area :)
This morning I dropped Z at his rec program for a day of "jello wrestling"....and off A and I went to Dartmouth (remember how last week I wrote about how I will NEVER again take two kids to a doctor's appointment together).
Not ONCE did he scream or kick or cry. Not until we were actually less than 5 minutes from the hospital did he start with the "are we there yets". It was AMAZING!
Kirby did not come with us so I did get a taste of single motherhood, however. We got there a little early and I had to fill out some paperwork. They made us wait in a hall and told A he could climb on the bear statue if he wanted. That lasted all of 2 seconds. Then he was off and running...looking for the playroom...running in and out of offices...ugh!
When they finally got us in he was able to play in a small room with a bunch of toys. He was in heaven. They had a garbage truck and a fire truck and a play mat with a road on it. This was A's territory! He loved it!
When it was time for him to go in they allowed me to be with him when they put him out. He was allowed to choose which "flavor" mask he wanted. Unfortunately he wasn't all that fond of the cherry he chose and he was ESPECIALLY not fond of having it over his face. Soon enough, though, the gas kicked in, he went limp, I kissed him goodbye and off he went.
They gave me a pager, told me that they would page when he got back and sent me on my way. I was told to expect everything to take about an hour so I set the alarm on my phone for 45 minutes. I wanted to be right there when he got out. I didn't want to have to run from the other side of the hospital to get there - or get lost while I was trying to get there.
Less than 20 minutes later the pager went off. I threw the food I had just bought into my bag and ran back to the ward. It ended up just being a dead battery...so I walked back down to the cafe and ate my lunch.
Within 45 minutes I was back on that ward waiting in the hallway - a bit impatiently. I watched them wheel him past me from the MRI room...he was still sleeping (although the nurse was talking with him - so sweet). 15 minutes later nothing - no page - but I couldn't hear him crying so I knew he must still be sleeping.
30 minutes later I finally got paged and the nurse informed me he was still sleeping and I could wander a bit more if I wanted. I informed her that I had been waiting in the hallway the whole time and there was no way I was going anywhere (this is not A's first time experiencing anesthesia - he has had 4 surgeries - but I am not the kind of mom that leaves her kid while they are in the hospital - asleep or not).
An hour after the page I was wishing I had gone for a walk. He was still sleeping...the nurses were getting frustrated because he was their last patient of the day and they couldn't leave until he did. And they kept trying to make small talk and kept asking why I didn't just call my "husband" rather than text him (I didn't feel like explaining to them that Kirby and I are barely on speaking terms and that texting was the only way I could "speak" to him without the voice of the devil coming out of me).
He was so stinking pitiful...you should have seen the drool!
90 minutes after the page we forcefully woke A. Sat him up, shook him a bit, gave him his new toy (an Oscar the Grouch puppet I got in the gift shop), took out his IV (that they put in AFTER he is asleep so he never gets stuck with a needle) and "sobered" him up a bit. 10 minutes later we were on our way (after I figured out how to get him and all his stuff down to the car by myself...he couldn't walk, I couldn't carry him and all the stuff and the nurses weren't much help).
He was a bit groggy on the way home and didn't really say much (although he was awake the whole time). Again, no screaming or yelling (from him OR me). He started to get antsy about 20 minutes from the house but other than that it was a PERFECT 2.5 hours.
A day this perfect has solidified my decision. No more than one kid at the doctor's office at a time.
I have also been convinced that mommies can handle ANYTHING! This was not an easy day. Honestly, it would have been so nice to have someone else there to help me keep him occupied, someone to hold my hand while I was waiting, someone to cry to when I got nervous...but I did it by myself.
I didn't get lost, I found my way to more than one place to pee on the way to and from the hospital. I found Dunkin's in towns that I had never been to. I made my way through an enormous hospital without getting too lost. And I didn't kill the car.
I also was able to drive down I89 at 70+ mph, while wiping A's dirty hands in the backseat and not miss a beat! Mommies can multitask single or not.
7/7/08
4 hours too long...
This morning I got roped into taking another kid for the day. Well, roped isn't exactly the right term...more like guilted. And, honestly, nobody guilted me except myself.
J called this morning for Zach and asked for a "playdate". I explained that Zach was at Rec until noon then we were off to the beach for swimming lessons until 1. He asked if they could get together afterwards and I said I would have Zach call him. "There's just one thing" he says "my mom says that I have to go over someone else's house since she and my dad aren't here". I told him that was fine and asked if he wanted to come to the beach with us. He did and informed me that his mother would pick him up after six when she got out of work. I asked if I could drop him off earlier and he informed me that nobody would be there...
I take a look around my house (which we have barely been in for more than an hour over the past two weeks) and see disaster (and think NO WAY am I allowing anyone to come in here). So, now I have already invited this kid. This is when the guilt starts...
Honestly, I don't mind Zachary having friends over. J and Zach usually do really well together but for only a couple of hours at a time. They are both strong willed children and they each expect to get what they want when they want it. six hours is too long.
I decided that we would spend a good long while at the beach. Nothing better on a hot day - right? WRONG!
Andrew does not do well at the beach. He has NO boundaries. He gets overwhelmed. He has no concept of water safety. Essentially, a day at the beach means a day of me chasing Andrew away from other kids, their toys, food, towels, swim trunks...He wants to chat with the lifeguards, use their megaphone, trample another kid's sandcastle...I swear, I should be thinner considering the amount of running I do with him. I start conversations with other moms and abruptly drop it mid sentence to chase my child.
We got to the beach a little after noon, put some sunblock on and the boys took off. For the next four hours they played in the water, built sandcastles, searched for clams and had a great time.
Andrew wears a life vest at the beach because he often times gets into situations in the water he doesn't know how to get out of (he forgets he can't swim, he plays with bigger kids that accidentally dunk him, he wanders out over his head). Honestly, I am never more than 2 steps away but all it takes is two seconds. Unfortunately, the beach that we were at does not allow any flotation devices (Andrew was informed after he went into the water by one of the lifeguards). This just made my day that much harder.
After two hours in the water and sun I made them reapply their sunblock. I supervised them, I even reapplied myself. So tell me, why oh why do I look like this*:
And the worst part is that my kids look pretty darn similar. I have never felt so guilty in all my life. I know how much a sunburn hurts. I know how unbearable it is to sleep at night. I know how itchy you get on the third or fourth day...Ugh!
Aloe Vera for all...lots and lots and lots...
A part of me wonders if J looks similar and if his mother will ever trust me with him for six hours again...
*Of course, that is not really what I look like - close enough, minus the smiley faces.
J called this morning for Zach and asked for a "playdate". I explained that Zach was at Rec until noon then we were off to the beach for swimming lessons until 1. He asked if they could get together afterwards and I said I would have Zach call him. "There's just one thing" he says "my mom says that I have to go over someone else's house since she and my dad aren't here". I told him that was fine and asked if he wanted to come to the beach with us. He did and informed me that his mother would pick him up after six when she got out of work. I asked if I could drop him off earlier and he informed me that nobody would be there...
I take a look around my house (which we have barely been in for more than an hour over the past two weeks) and see disaster (and think NO WAY am I allowing anyone to come in here). So, now I have already invited this kid. This is when the guilt starts...
Honestly, I don't mind Zachary having friends over. J and Zach usually do really well together but for only a couple of hours at a time. They are both strong willed children and they each expect to get what they want when they want it. six hours is too long.
I decided that we would spend a good long while at the beach. Nothing better on a hot day - right? WRONG!
Andrew does not do well at the beach. He has NO boundaries. He gets overwhelmed. He has no concept of water safety. Essentially, a day at the beach means a day of me chasing Andrew away from other kids, their toys, food, towels, swim trunks...He wants to chat with the lifeguards, use their megaphone, trample another kid's sandcastle...I swear, I should be thinner considering the amount of running I do with him. I start conversations with other moms and abruptly drop it mid sentence to chase my child.
We got to the beach a little after noon, put some sunblock on and the boys took off. For the next four hours they played in the water, built sandcastles, searched for clams and had a great time.
Andrew wears a life vest at the beach because he often times gets into situations in the water he doesn't know how to get out of (he forgets he can't swim, he plays with bigger kids that accidentally dunk him, he wanders out over his head). Honestly, I am never more than 2 steps away but all it takes is two seconds. Unfortunately, the beach that we were at does not allow any flotation devices (Andrew was informed after he went into the water by one of the lifeguards). This just made my day that much harder.
After two hours in the water and sun I made them reapply their sunblock. I supervised them, I even reapplied myself. So tell me, why oh why do I look like this*:
And the worst part is that my kids look pretty darn similar. I have never felt so guilty in all my life. I know how much a sunburn hurts. I know how unbearable it is to sleep at night. I know how itchy you get on the third or fourth day...Ugh!
Aloe Vera for all...lots and lots and lots...
A part of me wonders if J looks similar and if his mother will ever trust me with him for six hours again...
*Of course, that is not really what I look like - close enough, minus the smiley faces.
6/27/08
One kid down.
Zachary left early this morning to spend the weekend with my father and Sue at camp. The family camp is over 4 hours away and I am nervous.
When Sue mentioned that they would like to take him I was completely okay with it. Last night, however, I started to get nervous - sick to my stomach, want to throw up nervous. This morning when he left with Kirby to head to my father's I got even more nervous.
I don't know what this is about. Zachary has been spending nights away from home since he was an infant. He has never gone away for a weekend but has spent many nights with my family.
My nephew was also invited to go but he decided against it ("maybe when I'm 7" he told my sister). 2 nights away, 4+ hours from home can be a scary thing for a 6 year old.
Dad called around 12:30 to let me know that they had made it. Zachary sounded exhausted. Sue told me he had a runny nose...I forgot to send his allergy medicine. He will live without it. I rarely have to give it to him but, man, I feel like an awful mother now.
However, with Zachary out of the house, Andrew and I had a great day! Of course, he was with the baby...errr...KID sitter for a good part of the day. He was fun to be with, he listened better, he was happier. We went out for ice cream and walked through downtown (it's Moonlight Madness downtown...that was interesting and we had a few "autistic moments") and right now he is sitting on the couch with Dad watching some television program he shouldn't be watching BUT he is being relatively quiet...well, kind of...
AND tomorrow Kirby and I actually got a sitter for Andrew and are going to go out and have a night to ourselves! I can't even remember the last time that happened (actually, yes I can and a funeral was involved).
One kid down...two more to go :)
When Sue mentioned that they would like to take him I was completely okay with it. Last night, however, I started to get nervous - sick to my stomach, want to throw up nervous. This morning when he left with Kirby to head to my father's I got even more nervous.
I don't know what this is about. Zachary has been spending nights away from home since he was an infant. He has never gone away for a weekend but has spent many nights with my family.
My nephew was also invited to go but he decided against it ("maybe when I'm 7" he told my sister). 2 nights away, 4+ hours from home can be a scary thing for a 6 year old.
Dad called around 12:30 to let me know that they had made it. Zachary sounded exhausted. Sue told me he had a runny nose...I forgot to send his allergy medicine. He will live without it. I rarely have to give it to him but, man, I feel like an awful mother now.
However, with Zachary out of the house, Andrew and I had a great day! Of course, he was with the baby...errr...KID sitter for a good part of the day. He was fun to be with, he listened better, he was happier. We went out for ice cream and walked through downtown (it's Moonlight Madness downtown...that was interesting and we had a few "autistic moments") and right now he is sitting on the couch with Dad watching some television program he shouldn't be watching BUT he is being relatively quiet...well, kind of...
AND tomorrow Kirby and I actually got a sitter for Andrew and are going to go out and have a night to ourselves! I can't even remember the last time that happened (actually, yes I can and a funeral was involved).
One kid down...two more to go :)
5/26/08
A fishy, water logged Memorial Weekend.
What a gorgeous, long weekend! The weather was near perfect every day. And we took full - well close to full - advantage of it.
Friday was the boy's Memorial Day Presentation at school. Since it was in the morning, Andrew was not going to participate (he is in the afternoon kindergarten session). He and I agreed that he would come and sit with me and sing all the songs. Unfortunately, he had a total "autistic moment" about 10 minutes in. He wanted a flag that was being used as a decoration, I said no and all hell broke loose. He cried so hard that he hyperventilated, he hit me, he screamed...we left. It was mortifying! Thankfully, Zach wasn't aware that I had to leave...he thinks I saw the whole thing (and I am not about to admit otherwise).
Saturday was quiet. Well, as quiet as it can be when you are fighting with an 8 year old to clean his room. Truthfully, it took all day. He started at 10am and by 7pm he was FINALLY done. It was a disaster and I was fed up. It's done, for now...
Sunday I had an Embracing Autism NH (EANH) meeting in the morning As soon as I got back the boys were ready to go. Go where? Where else? Fishing, of course!
One of Andrew's friends from school happened to be walking by and he and his family decided to join us. T and F had never been fishing before and Zachary had a great time teaching them to cast and put the worm on the hook.
We did catch much other than a sunburn. I forgot the sunscreen and a few hours of sitting on the water in the sun isn't a great idea for me. Before I left my EANH Tracy told me to enjoy my weekend and to "get some sun". I'm not sure that was her idea. Thankfully the boys got away with very little redness. Redheads with fair skin should ALWAYS wear sunscreen - unfortunately, Mom tends to forget.
Sunday evening was the first Movie in the Barn at Dad's house of the season.
After Andrew broke the birdbath...
We watched the short video Sue made about her time in Iraq (WONDERFUL) followed by Ratatouille.
We made it through the movie with few incidences. Andrew even sat for most of it. Home at 11pm...exhausted.
The Moving Wall (www.themovingwall.org) has been in Ossipee all weekend and Kirby really wanted to get out and see it. First thing Sunday we packed a lunch and made our way over.
He and I have seen The Moving Wall together once before and got to see the real thing once as well. Every time we see it we are incredibly moved.
I was happy to have the boys with us but worried about how they were going to behave. Again, few incidences...thank you god!
The boys even got the ride in a "real Army truck"! Andrew was so excited!
I am glad that we made it over there and proud of how well my kids handled themselves. I hate having to talk to my kids about those things - the violence and reality of the world. I want them to believe that the world is full of love and peace...I worry that I will taint their views. Of course, my worry doesn't stop me. After all, it is reality.
After visiting the wall we traveled down to New Durham to The Powder Mill Fish Hatchery. The hatchery is run by NH Fish and Game. We had taken the boys there once before but they were so young they didn't even remember it.
You'd think we had brought them to Six Flags for a weekend! They had SUCH a great time! It just reinforces the fact that you don't have to spend money to have fun with your kids. Seriously, we spent $1 on fish food and they had over an hour of enjoyment!
Check out the size of those fish!
We ended the day by taking the kids fishing at the Salmon Falls River in Rochester.
The boys aren't use to river fishing and it was harder than I remembered. We lost 3 lines, didn't catch a thing and Mom ended up looking like this:
I totally fell in. Kirby took this picture AFTER he took the camera out of my pocket (soaking wet), AFTER he asked me if I was okay but not BEFORE he tried to get the camera to take a picture of me lying in the water trying like hell to get out.
I had been fishing out of the water the whole time (well after I climbed into the water to try and get my line out). It wasn't all that cold, I was enjoying dipping my feet...then I lost my footing. Sonuvabiscuit!!!
I smelled like a dead fish the whole way back to Wolfeboro in soaking wet jeans with two screaming, whining kids in the back...
Friday was the boy's Memorial Day Presentation at school. Since it was in the morning, Andrew was not going to participate (he is in the afternoon kindergarten session). He and I agreed that he would come and sit with me and sing all the songs. Unfortunately, he had a total "autistic moment" about 10 minutes in. He wanted a flag that was being used as a decoration, I said no and all hell broke loose. He cried so hard that he hyperventilated, he hit me, he screamed...we left. It was mortifying! Thankfully, Zach wasn't aware that I had to leave...he thinks I saw the whole thing (and I am not about to admit otherwise).
Saturday was quiet. Well, as quiet as it can be when you are fighting with an 8 year old to clean his room. Truthfully, it took all day. He started at 10am and by 7pm he was FINALLY done. It was a disaster and I was fed up. It's done, for now...
Sunday I had an Embracing Autism NH (EANH) meeting in the morning As soon as I got back the boys were ready to go. Go where? Where else? Fishing, of course!
One of Andrew's friends from school happened to be walking by and he and his family decided to join us. T and F had never been fishing before and Zachary had a great time teaching them to cast and put the worm on the hook.
We did catch much other than a sunburn. I forgot the sunscreen and a few hours of sitting on the water in the sun isn't a great idea for me. Before I left my EANH Tracy told me to enjoy my weekend and to "get some sun". I'm not sure that was her idea. Thankfully the boys got away with very little redness. Redheads with fair skin should ALWAYS wear sunscreen - unfortunately, Mom tends to forget.
Sunday evening was the first Movie in the Barn at Dad's house of the season.
After Andrew broke the birdbath...
We watched the short video Sue made about her time in Iraq (WONDERFUL) followed by Ratatouille.
We made it through the movie with few incidences. Andrew even sat for most of it. Home at 11pm...exhausted.
The Moving Wall (www.themovingwall.org) has been in Ossipee all weekend and Kirby really wanted to get out and see it. First thing Sunday we packed a lunch and made our way over.
He and I have seen The Moving Wall together once before and got to see the real thing once as well. Every time we see it we are incredibly moved.
I was happy to have the boys with us but worried about how they were going to behave. Again, few incidences...thank you god!
The boys even got the ride in a "real Army truck"! Andrew was so excited!
I am glad that we made it over there and proud of how well my kids handled themselves. I hate having to talk to my kids about those things - the violence and reality of the world. I want them to believe that the world is full of love and peace...I worry that I will taint their views. Of course, my worry doesn't stop me. After all, it is reality.
After visiting the wall we traveled down to New Durham to The Powder Mill Fish Hatchery. The hatchery is run by NH Fish and Game. We had taken the boys there once before but they were so young they didn't even remember it.
You'd think we had brought them to Six Flags for a weekend! They had SUCH a great time! It just reinforces the fact that you don't have to spend money to have fun with your kids. Seriously, we spent $1 on fish food and they had over an hour of enjoyment!
Check out the size of those fish!
We ended the day by taking the kids fishing at the Salmon Falls River in Rochester.
The boys aren't use to river fishing and it was harder than I remembered. We lost 3 lines, didn't catch a thing and Mom ended up looking like this:
I totally fell in. Kirby took this picture AFTER he took the camera out of my pocket (soaking wet), AFTER he asked me if I was okay but not BEFORE he tried to get the camera to take a picture of me lying in the water trying like hell to get out.
I had been fishing out of the water the whole time (well after I climbed into the water to try and get my line out). It wasn't all that cold, I was enjoying dipping my feet...then I lost my footing. Sonuvabiscuit!!!
I smelled like a dead fish the whole way back to Wolfeboro in soaking wet jeans with two screaming, whining kids in the back...
4/29/08
Fishing, Flying and Frenzied! April Vacation Part Two
As previously mentioned, weather during April vacation was fabulous!
We went to the park almost every day, we even ventured to The Nick as the kids were getting a little bored with the playground behind their school.
Andrew had a great time at The Nick! He played with a group of other kids and was even the leader of the pack! It was amazing to watch him running with all those kids, telling them what they were going to play! A number of times they ran past me screaming "FIRE! FIRE!" (they were playing firefighters). I wondered if it was okay...then I realized that I couldn't care less what they were yelling - MY SON WAS PLAYING WITH OTHER CHILDREN! You can't even imagine how that felt!
Zachary had less of a good time - mostly because he is getting a little too big to play on his own at a playground. He did test his fears and make some risky climbs. He and I have a similar fear of heights. I never would have been able to do what he did.
Flying high!
Zach spent a couple of days with my mother and went to a friend's house another day. This left Andrew alone and bored (as Tom spent the entire week working with my father). Luckily, a $.25 yard sale toy kept him happy for quite a while!
We went to the movies with Sue and my nephew Christian. It was an experience...Andrew doesn't do well with sitting for 90 minutes. What I saw of Nim's Island looked pretty good :) Zachary, Sue and Christian enjoyed it!
The last weekend of vacation was the Webkinz Extravaganza Weekend. Retailers that sell Webkinz were having parties to celebrate their 3rd birthday. We went to the local Hallmark store and partook in the festivities.
Poor Andrew was OVERWHELMED to say the least! It was all too much for him to handle. There were tons of games to play and prizes to win!
In the end, Andrew won a Webkinz ("Wilbur" a pig), and a mousepad. Zachary won a pack of trading cards, a pirate eyepatch, and a figurine. I spent $10.75 on a couple little things for the kids and walked out with all that and a free Webkinz for Zachy (a charcoal cat he named "Coaly").
At the end of the week we went fishing (Zach has only been begging me to take him fishing for 4 months). Finally the weather was nice enough (although a bit windy the day we went) and the ice was off the lake. So we went down to my office, had a picnic dinner and took Andrew, Zach and his friend J fishing.
Kirby got the first fish of the season:
Zach's friend asked me why Andrew had to wear a life vest. A few minutes later he found out. Andrew ventured a bit too close to the water, lost his footing and fell in, face down. Of course, I was right there and he was fine. Although, he did find out that even though we have had some beautiful weather (that even felt beach like) the water was not even close to warm enough for swimming!
We went to the park almost every day, we even ventured to The Nick as the kids were getting a little bored with the playground behind their school.
Andrew had a great time at The Nick! He played with a group of other kids and was even the leader of the pack! It was amazing to watch him running with all those kids, telling them what they were going to play! A number of times they ran past me screaming "FIRE! FIRE!" (they were playing firefighters). I wondered if it was okay...then I realized that I couldn't care less what they were yelling - MY SON WAS PLAYING WITH OTHER CHILDREN! You can't even imagine how that felt!
Zachary had less of a good time - mostly because he is getting a little too big to play on his own at a playground. He did test his fears and make some risky climbs. He and I have a similar fear of heights. I never would have been able to do what he did.
Flying high!
Zach spent a couple of days with my mother and went to a friend's house another day. This left Andrew alone and bored (as Tom spent the entire week working with my father). Luckily, a $.25 yard sale toy kept him happy for quite a while!
We went to the movies with Sue and my nephew Christian. It was an experience...Andrew doesn't do well with sitting for 90 minutes. What I saw of Nim's Island looked pretty good :) Zachary, Sue and Christian enjoyed it!
The last weekend of vacation was the Webkinz Extravaganza Weekend. Retailers that sell Webkinz were having parties to celebrate their 3rd birthday. We went to the local Hallmark store and partook in the festivities.
Poor Andrew was OVERWHELMED to say the least! It was all too much for him to handle. There were tons of games to play and prizes to win!
In the end, Andrew won a Webkinz ("Wilbur" a pig), and a mousepad. Zachary won a pack of trading cards, a pirate eyepatch, and a figurine. I spent $10.75 on a couple little things for the kids and walked out with all that and a free Webkinz for Zachy (a charcoal cat he named "Coaly").
At the end of the week we went fishing (Zach has only been begging me to take him fishing for 4 months). Finally the weather was nice enough (although a bit windy the day we went) and the ice was off the lake. So we went down to my office, had a picnic dinner and took Andrew, Zach and his friend J fishing.
Kirby got the first fish of the season:
Zach's friend asked me why Andrew had to wear a life vest. A few minutes later he found out. Andrew ventured a bit too close to the water, lost his footing and fell in, face down. Of course, I was right there and he was fine. Although, he did find out that even though we have had some beautiful weather (that even felt beach like) the water was not even close to warm enough for swimming!
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