My pedicurist hates me. Okay, she doesn't hate me, but she doesn't charge me nearly enough for the works she puts in on a monthly basis.
Let's back up a bit here....
About a year ago I started bartering with a local hairdresser. I give her a massage, she cuts my hair - no money exchanged. Unfortunately (or fortunately, as the case may be) her prices and mine don't jive. I charge a whole lot more than she does for her services.
Now I get my haircut every 3 1/2 weeks, a color every 7, I get a monthly pedicure (with paraffin), she waxes my eyebrows (yowch!) and she does all the boys hair as well. In turn, she gets a massage on a weekly basis.
I have my father's feet, meaning, my heels crack, the look awful and they are dry and disgusting. I never really paid much attention 'cause they look great from the top, just if you look at the bottom :) Then I started getting monthly pedicures. THEN I realized - this is what it is like to have nice feet.
Every month my poor pedicurist soaks my feet and gets out the file...after about 15 minutes she is breaking a sweat, asking someone to turn down the heat and I feel about 2 inches tall. She offered me a file to keep in the shower to do maintenance between appointments, here in which lies my dilemma...
I am a mother AND I work outside the house! When I am not chasing kids out of the refrigerator (or off of the refrigerator as the case may be) or away from the running washing machine ('"ooohhhh, Mommy, there's water going in" - seriously, if it didn't have so much potential to cause such a mess I might be able to stick him in front of it like the television) I am flying to work!!
My shower routine:
1) strip as quickly as possible, while turning on the water and searching for a towel, all the while screaming "Please, watch TV for 10 minutes, STAY OUT OF THE REFRIGERATOR and put the milk back...I SWEAR"
2) jump in, pray it isn't freezing or scalding, grab a bar of soap (if the child who was last in the shower didn't shove it down the drain) and lather and rinse as quickly as possible
3) grab the shower curtain to keep water off the floor "Andrew, get out, go watch TV, I am almost done, SERIOUSLY, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DUNKIN DONUTS TODAY"
4) grab the 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner (my hairdresser hates me, I know) lather, rinse
5) jump out, wrap a towel around me
6) put milk back in the fridge, close fridge door, scrape cooked macaroni off floor and throw it in the trash, find Andrew and PRAY he hasn't found a marker or his way outside.
If you think I exaggerate, I invite you to spend a morning in my household. I love my kids, I SWEAR I do. I chose to stay home with them (and it wasn't because I knew that any other human being would consider self mutilation after spending a day with them). I know these are the qualms of motherhood - and I really am okay with that. Am I asking too much, however, to have a normal shower routine?
About two months ago I had Kirby install a lock on the bathroom door. I think I have used it during a shower twice - and only when he is home (although it doesn't stop him from coming in and gracing me with his presence - meaning he comes in to use the toilet). 20 minutes, that is all I want! Argh!
Today I have a slow day. I don't have clients until this evening. Today I chose to have the nice, long, relaxing shower that I have been longing for all week. I got Andrew on the bus at 11:30 and hopped in. I think I was done by quarter of, heels and all. I have lost the ability to relax in the shower...
Ah, well. Some mothers lose the ability to see their toes (well, me too) others must lose the ability to relax in the shower...disappointing, but true.