Part of the separation agreement was that we each start taking weekends with the kids immediately.
Kirby feels that he doesn't have a life outside of work and home. Now there are no excuses.
Last weekend was his first weekend without the kids (aside from when Z REFUSED to ride on Molly the Trolley with A and I and Kirby took him fishing instead). This weekend is ALL ME!
I have big plans and a gagillion friends that want to "babysit" me all weekend. Beaching, eating, drinking, shopping...it's all there. What's missing? Kids!
Honestly, I am a little nervous about a weekend without kids. I can't remember the last time I went out with friends and didn't worry about what time I had to be back for the kids, if they going to bed alright for the babysitter or if they have wandered out of the house unnoticed (see Mommy's Intuition: http://craybickford.blogspot.com/2008/01/mommy-is-sick-or-mommys-intuition.html)...
I will not turn this blog into a bitch session about Kirby or our relationship (although I am sure there will be plenty of complaints). I am not here to badmouth him or complain about how he "failed" our relationship (honestly, it takes two).
All in all, Kirby is a good father to Z and A. But he is just that: A Father. Dads just don't work the same way Moms do (right? I know you all agree - tell me all about it). He loves them, he cares for them but he isn't ME! A "me" has a little bit of an issue giving up control...
So, me, is going to spend a weekend away. Me is going to drink myself into oblivion if needed. Me is going to enjoy my time with my friends. Me is going to do my very bestest not to worry about the children...and if they had their baths...or went to sleep on time...or got vegetables with their dinner...or ate breakfast...I swear - I am not going to worry!
7 comments:
I'm sure that letting go in that way has got to be one of the most difficult things in a separation. My best friend is going through a similar thing right now, and not having control over the kids safety, etc is killing her...dads love the kids, and I'm sure it's even good for all involved for the father to have to have sole responsibility sometimes, but yeah, tough on the moms b/c that is OUR LIFE.
I feel for you and I'll be thinking of you.
Do me a favor so I don't have to worry about you drinking yourself into oblivion... Take a trip to the bookstore, find a good book, a fun magazine, something you can delve into and enjoy. Run a nice bath or just find a way to pamper yourself. Imagine this time as mini-vacation for yourself and know that your husband will be caring and loving with the kids. Take care and know there are friends out there. Let us know how it goes.
Hope you had a great weekend. I have to admit in the days that my ex got the kids, it was nice to play a game of scrabble with my husband and not be interrupted. lol boring I know.
I can't blame you for being worried though. When younger, both my girls would wander off. Once police dogs were even involved when my middle daughter walked off school grounds and was gone for a few hours. Thank goodness they never got hurt.
They say change is good... though it sorely tests our spirits at times. You are a strong and gracious lady, and a light to your children. It will be okay.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Thank you all for your support! It never ceases to amaze me how supportive people who know me only through my blog can be.
I will post some other time about my "weekend of me". As you can see (embee) I did not drink myself into oblivion, I am alive. I did, however, enjoy myself immensely with good friends and, yes, good drinks :) This will not be a regular event...but it was much appreciated this weekend!
I hope you had some lovely "me" time, and enjoy it, don't ever feel guilty! We as moms do work really hard and dads could never hold a candle to us.
At least there's one nice thing about divorce; you'll get the break you so deserve every other weekend...I'm sure you deserve it.
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