9/12/08

Nothing makes sense anymore

I am dragging today...as I mentioned in my earlier post.

It's Friday and we have had a busy week of school, school and more school. Thursday is my busy day at work so I am always left exhausted. It is dreary outside. It isn't raining, but it should be, and it is COLD! I love the chill in the air that fall brings, but when there is no sun it just makes it miserable.

Compound all that with the fact that lately I have become incredibly frustrated by people that have children but don't appreciate them.

I know you all read my posts and laugh at how frustrated I get with my children. And I will be honest that there has been a time (or two) that I wonder if cages are legal...or overdosing on Benadryl to get them to sleep...but those are the times that I call my sister Dana (the social worker) and check (because she knows all the legalities, of course). If she tells me no then I take a few deep breaths and move on...

Before I go any further please be sure that you understand that I am joking. Sure I have asked Dana about cages, but do you think I would honestly use one...okay, don't answer that.

Tonight I am attending the wake of a 7 week old baby. SIDS is apparently the cause. I do not know her parents but her grandmother is a client of mine and her cousin is in Z's class - small town, although I don't KNOW them, I know them. I feel that it is the right thing to do, show up and offer my condolences to my client. Not knowing the parents does not make it any easier or help me understand any more.

When her grandmother told me she said, "She was beautiful but I can only know in my heart that God had a special purpose for her". I KNOW in my heart she is right...but not knowing the purpose makes it so hard. I know that it is not up to me to understand God or his reasons but jeez. This just doesn't make sense...

Tuesday I will be appearing in court. In what capacity I am not sure. I have been asked to appear for a court case involving a 4 year old boy whose mother claims his father is molesting him. Of course, I will not go into details about how I am affiliated with this family, what I know or do not know...but I can tell you that this little boy's life has been ruined.

Dana, of course, does not go into real detail about her job but I know what she deals with. We see the reports in the papers and on the news.

Andrea (Alex's fiancee) works in a boy's home. This place is where boys are sent that cannot live at home - or anywhere else - due to SEVERE abuse (sexual or otherwise) and neglect. Again, she can't share the details but we know.

Tell me how it makes sense that a 4 year old boy is still here, subjected to the insanity of his life every day and a 7 week old is gone? Tell me how this little boy was given to these parents when I know plenty of good people with loving and caring homes that can't have children. Tell me how parents who ignore, beat and abuse are given children when there are people out there crying in their beds at night because they can't have children.

I know it is not up to me to understand God and his purpose for us as human beings. I know that in my deepest heart. But coming to terms with that and letting go is something entirely different.
I am so thankful for people like Dana and Andrea and so thankful for the work they do. I would be homicidal. I am not sure that I could let justice take its course...there are too many times where the judicial system does not work the way it is supposed to (in my opinion).

I am so thankful that my children live in a safe home where people love them and care for them. We may not be perfect, but if they know nothing else in their lives, they know that we love them unconditionally.

The child must know that he is a miracle, that since the beginning of the world there hasn't been, and until the end of the world there will not be, another child like him. - Pablo Casals

8 comments:

Mandy said...

Wonderful post. Gave me chills. I'm off to hug my kids now. :) Have a great weekend.

Melissa said...

Funerals for babies are the most heartbreaking thing. Thank God I have not been to many, but seeing the little casket, watching parents have to say goodbye to a child...there are no words to describe it. And there are also no words to describe the people who are blessed with their own beautiful, healthy children and then abuse them. I had to have a hysterectomy but am lucky to have one child. When I hear of parents who abandon or beat their kids, I can't help but question why God chose to give these people babies but not me. Very thought provoking post.

Melissa said...

Funerals for babies are the most heartbreaking thing. Thank God I have not been to many, but seeing the little casket, watching parents have to say goodbye to a child...there are no words to describe it. And there are also no words to describe the people who are blessed with their own beautiful, healthy children and then abuse them. I had to have a hysterectomy but am lucky to have one child. When I hear of parents who abandon or beat their kids, I can't help but question why God chose to give these people babies but not me. Very thought provoking post.

dddiva said...

My best friend is in the process of adopting her nieces and nephews that have been severely emotionally and physically and sexually abused. It is heartbreaking to think how many wonderful people are longing to love these children but aren't given the chance, but I find if I try to figure out the reasons for it I will make myself crazy.
Bless you for your concern and for going to support this poor family in their time of tragedy.

Eudae-mamia said...

It is one of the question is will have for Him if I am lucky enough to make it into Heaven.

I imagine He will have a pretty good explanation, but I hope He forgives me when I question it.

Em
(visitor from SITS)

verygoodyear said...

It's so horrifying to think of what lurks in the mind of people who abuse children or animals.

WheresMyAngels said...

You know, I have to bite my tongue many times when I hear that God gives special children to special people. Many people that have children with special needs say this about their selves also. But I have seen special children that have had horrible abusive parents. I will never forget the case of a young boy in KC that had down syndrome. His mother kept him in a closet. Then he disappeared and no one noticed for a long time. He was found buried under cement under her steps. So then I think that God has nothing to do with whom has what children, but then at the same time, it does feel like God did purposely give me my children. I suffered from depression and tried to commit suicide when I was 19. I ran my car at high speed into a bridge. I didn't die, was barely hurt. Did God save me then? Felt like it. Then three years later I gave birth to my daughter with down syndrome. I had a purpose in life, one I never felt before. My father says he never saw me happier.

So I am confused, I don't know how God is involved. I don't know why some die so young, why some are abused. But one day, he shall tell us.

Sometimes Sophia said...

The funeral of a little child is such a sad event. My heart goes out to the parents.

Good for you for reminding us that our children are precious. I like the Casals quote very much.