6/23/08

Never got out of that hornet's nest

When I was 8 (or so) a neighbor girl came over to play. This was a relatively rare occurrence because we didn't really live in a neighborhood. We lived in the boonies and to get to our house you had to either cross through an incredibly large field or go through the woods.

When it was time for her to go home I asked my father if I could walk her. He was fine but told me not to go past the woods...I did. There was a small path that went through the woods to the field that was behind her home. Of course, on my way back I couldn't find the path and had to cross through the woods.

I started crossing through the woods and all of a sudden I was getting stung OVER AND OVER AND OVER again. My parents had always told me that if you don't bother bees they won't bother you so I stood VERY, VERY, VERY still (I remember thinking about the Statue of Liberty). I could hear Dana looking for me (she was probably 4 at the time) and I kept yelling at her to go back to the house...she was crying and wanted me to come out.

Next thing I know I am being grabbed under both arms by my father and Roger (the guy who worked for him) who started running with me back to the house as fast as they could - they had seen a SWARM of hornet's over the bushes and heard me screaming.

I had stepped on a hornet's nest. I had no idea. All I knew was that I was getting stung and I had to stand still so I didn't bother them. Of course, standing on top of their home, crushing the life out of their family...I was bothering them.

A dozen or more stings, one trip to the ER, a shot to help stop an allergic reaction, lots of vomiting, a teddy bear and a grocery store trip later and I was fine (although my mother made salmon pie that night for dinner with canned salmon - the Bumble Bee kind - I thought that was rather ironic and harsh - I will NEVER eat canned salmon again).

My father got his revenge that evening by setting the nest on fire. I guess the bushes went up in flames as well...he claims that he is lucky the neighbors didn't have to call the fire department.

Monica jokes that I stepped in a hornet's nest at age 8 and never really got out...such is my life.

I am the one in my family that will lose a child at a graduation (because he WANTED the mugs in the school store that cost $16 and I told him no). I am the one whose car will break down in Baltimore, MD on a 4 lane highway (in the middle lane) during a spur of the moment trip to DC. It is me that will make 13 trips to the ER each year with a child that burned his fingers on peanut butter or a husband that burned his corneas because he didn't wear a mask while welding... THIS IS MY LIFE.

So it shouldn't be surprising that while pet sitting two parrots the screen door somehow locks behind me, my keys hanging from the door knob, the emergency phone numbers sitting on the counter, needing to be in Rochester in 30 minutes (being over an hour away), with two kids in tow and Kirby over 90 minutes away. I shouldn't have been surprised at all...but I was.

What to do? Well, I call Kirby (not for a fix, really, but for an ear for me to scream "WTF AM I SUPPOSE TO DO HERE" type thing) - he wants to tell me all the reasons why he can't help, "It'll take me over an hour and half to get there...I don't know what to tell you..." - I hung up on him.

I have to be in Rochester for Tom's graduation party... Andrew stinks to high heaven... Zachary keeps saying, "I am SO furryous". I say, "you mean FURIOUS".."yeah, furryous"... I have checked EVERY window, EVERY door, I tried prying the screen open, screaming, kicking - nothing worked.

WTF?!

So I cut the screen. What else was I going to do? I didn't have a choice. I cut the freaking screen.

Now, the $16/visit that she is paying me is going to go right back to her...to fix that stinking screen.

I never did get out of that hornet's nest...

60 comments:

Jessi said...

Love this... this should be one of the ones you need to submit...

sorry about the screen. Did you tear through the middle or did you do it on the side near the seam??? it might be salvageable.

Mama's Losin' It said...

but just look how well you handle yourself in the hornets nest. Standing there calmly...and then you rescue yourself.

All grown up.

Cray and Bickford Family said...

Oh, I'm not sure I was calm...but I did figure it out.

I did cut the screen along the edge. Of course, in order for me to maneuver my arm through there to get to the handle I ripped it a bit. I'm not thinking it can be salvaged...

trashalou said...

Calm under pressure, huh? Except maybe the phone call... why do boys always need to fix things?

Heather said...

I was afraid the story was going to end with "and by the time I got inside the house, both parrots had expired.........."

One of the grown-ups at a 4th of July BBQ we attended when I was maybe 3 at the most stepped barefoot onto an underground hornets' nest and got stung repeatedly as you describe. I was playing nearby and have a crystal clear memory of the swarm coming up out of the ground and him screaming bloody murder and staggering about. They called 911 and an ambulance came.... The thing I remember most about that is that I was terrified to walk on the lawn at their house ever again for fear of getting stung myself. (Three year old logic meant that of course THEIR lawn was the only one with such horrible things as tiny holes in the ground containing many, many bees...)

*shudder*

CanCan said...

Who knew a screen door was self locking??

Good thinking, McGyver!

Kimmie0270 said...

You have an incredible writing style. You had me mesmorized the entire time!

What A Card said...

Oh boy, remind me never to stand too close to you. Strange things might befall those who are unaware :)

dddiva said...

LOL too funny. Really glad you are the featured SITSta today- got a good laugh, just the way to start my morning out right.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Ouch!

Dee said...

Hi. over from Sits, great story - like those fairytales - dont go into the woods!

Shanda said...

Wow! I really like your writing style too. And your story so reminded me of the movie My Girl minus the sad ending.

Karol said...

Wow, how you get out of that nest soon!!

*happy sits day!

Mandy said...

I am getting the heebee geebees just thinking about you in that nest. Yikes!!

Vicki said...

Yikes! I can't imagine being stuck in a hornets' nest!!

Creative Junkie said...

Aside from actually being caught in a hornet's next ... because THAT has never happened to me ... you could be me, in that everything that could possibly go wrong around me DOES. I always joke that I have my own, private little black cloud that keeps me company wherever I roam.

Which Rochester are you near? I'm near the one by Lake Ontario.

Mekhismom said...

Wow! You have adventures that are not so nice. Thanks for sharing - visiting from SITS.

Melodie said...

Sounds like you've got the same luck I do. While I never stepped on a hornets' nest, I was knocked head first into a GIANT ant hill by my Irish Setter when I was about 7 years old. I had ant bites EVERYWHERE!

Kimba said...

Yikes! Standing in a hornets nest! You're lucky that you made it out alive.

Visiting from SITS. You tell a great story!

Debbie Y. said...

Happy SITS day. Glad you keep trying to get out of the hornet's nest of life.

EmBee said...

OUCH! How you were able to stand still while being stung repeatedly is amazing in itself.

thotlady said...

Sounds very hectic.

Congratulations on your SITS feature.

verygoodyear said...

"furryous" ... hehee! It's great that he was sympathizing with you at least :]

Tracy P. said...

Oh my word you were brave. I would have been hysterical!

Melissa Lester said...

Do you have a fear of hornets now? I am mildly phobic of stinging bugs, maybe because I was stung repeatedly by wasps that made a nest inside the top pole of my swingset as a child. They sure didn't like it when I jarred their nest to get on a swing.

Bless your heart for feeling like you are still in the hornet's nest. But it doesn seem like you have learned some creativity for getting out of trouble, maybe avoiding some stings.

And I would say that today, on your amazing day of SITS bloggy love, you will feel like everything has turned around!

Tabitha Blue said...

What a great read!! You sound like a fun friend.. LOL Always an adventure. ;-)

Katie Says said...

Congrats on your SITS day! This was a great story... and sounds like you have an exciting life! ;)

Ronnica said...

I'd have been furryous if I were you! Haha...

Jenni said...

I am laughing with you, really. I could think about it and come up with some of my own, but I'd rather laugh than cry, so I'll just think of your hornet's nest and not mine!

tanyaross said...

what a fun read! well, your tongue-in-cheek style, not necessarily the "Murphy's Law" problems (which sound rather a lot like MY life!)... ;\ ~~T

Rhea said...

In the hornets nest and never got out. What a cute phrase!! You have had some crazy events. Burned on peanut butter? How did your son do that?

Felicia Eis said...

I really enjoyed reading. Happy SITS day!!!

justjuli said...

Yikes! I've never had a bad sting experience - but I did have a run in with some fire ants once. Ouch!

Well - at least life isn't boring, right?

Happy SITS day!

Karen said...

yes- you sound like me.
I've locked myself out of the house several times and my brothers finally made a spare key for me. I've broken in by screens, garage, windows etc.
I also am great at breaking into locked cars too. Just mine!!!

Peggy said...

I think I gave birth to you.

Becky :) said...

And I thought my life was a hornets nest!!! You reacted the very same way I would have. You go girl!!!

Congrats on your SITS day!!!

Swirl Girl said...

You are too funny!
I always tell my kids, that unless they are a flower, the bees will leave them alone.

I didn't know you could step in a nest...uh, oh!

Stacie said...

Congrats Miss Saucy!

I enjoyed reading this post. You've got a knack for storytelling - I'm hooked! :)

Andie said...

Oh My... I hope you get out of that nest soon!

Kelly Deneen said...

What a story! You poor thing!

Happy SITS day!

Melissa said...

A hornet's nest?!? I can't even imagine...I have never once been stung by bee, wasp or hornet but my daughter was stung once last summer and now is deathly afraid of them, she will freak out if one is near.

Happy SITS day to you!

Katy Lin :) said...

congrats on your SITS day!

this story is too comical, not because it was funny while you were in the midst of it (i'm sure it was not), but bc i can absolutely see myself doing it - lol! never stood on a hornet's nest, but pretty accident prone!

Hairline Fracture said...

Some days are just hornets' nest days, huh?

Congratulations on being SITS' featured blogger!

wendy said...

Love your life analogy (as painful as it is...)

Happy SITS day! :)

Party of 5 said...

I'm sending you a case of bug spray. Hope it helps.

Congrats on your feature!

Mamasphere said...

GREAT story! I love your writing style.

I have the same kind of luck that you do, and funnily enough, I stepped into a wasps' nest when I was in preschool and got stung several times on my hand.

mrsmouthy said...

I have no idea how you kept yourself from screaming, flailing, slapping, and FREAKING OUT on that hornet's nest. I do that if just ONE of the things gets near me!

PhatMom said...

Sounds like what happens in MY life every time my husband goes on a deployment. He leaves Friday. I better prepare myself now. :) Happy SITS day!

Kelly said...

What a scary, crazy hornet story...*chills*

Happy SITS day!!! Bask in your comment love!!!

Michelle said...

The way you were talking, I was sure there were dead parrots involved. It could be worse, right?

Happy SITS day!

mrsbear said...

I hear the hornet's nest is the place to be. How did you manage to stand so still? Great analogy, I loved your story. Happy SITS day.

Melanie said...

Great story. I too live in a hornets nest. It seems to calm down some as the years go by but I'm still there. Congrats on your day!

nikkicrumpet said...

Happy SITS day. It could have been worse...the parrots could have slit the screen and escaped!

Jenni @ nest to keep said...

I am glad you were okay after your ordeal with the hornet's nest! That sounds terrible!

And, I don't want to forget to say congratulations on your SITS day! :)

Tiffany said...

Wow. I can't believe you just stood still. Amazing.

Just goes to show you that the stuff we tell our kids does come back in an instant!

Karen said...

It almost sounds like you are living my life!! I've never stood in a hornet's nest, but the ex and I did disturb a german wasp nest, that was at the back of our property, back in NZ. Those things are really aggressive. I remember it as an extremely painful experience.

Rela Pantaleon-Manigsaca said...

Wow, the hornet nest story is a good one when you are asked about "something that not a lot of people know about you" (that is aside from your immediate family and your bloggy friends!)

Sunshine said...

I love the stories within the stories within the stories...I'm sorry to say...I didn't want it to end! I was getting a little..."AND THEN WHAT HAPPENED?" Sorry, but your life in the hornet's nest is *very* entertaining. :) (those were all meant to be compliments)

I think I loved this so much because, ummmm...I can relate VERY MUCH. :)

Happy SITS day!

Live.Love.Eat said...

Very cool story!!! I'm a little late from SITS but congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Traci said...

Oh I think you have a long lost sister, and that would be my friend Debbie! She is always getting herself into crazy predicaments like you! Great story!