Brothers (and sisters)

While checking out a friend's MySpace page the following song came on:

"Don't Give Up"
in this proud land we grew up strong
we were wanted all along
I was taught to fight,
taught to win
I never thought I could fail
no fight left or so it seems
I am a man whose dreams have all deserted
I've changed my face,
I've changed my name
but no one wants you when you lose

don't give up
'cos you have friends
don't give up
you're not beaten yet
don't give up
I know you can make it good

though I saw it all around
never thought I could be affected
thought that we'd be the last to go
it is so strange the way things turn
drove the night toward my home
the place that I was born, on the lakes
ideas daylight broke, I saw the earth
the trees had burned down to the ground

don't give up
you still have us
don't give up
we don't need much of anything
don't give up
'cause somewhere there's a place
where we belong
rest your head
you worry too much
it's going to be alright
when times get rough
you can fall back on us
don't give up
please don't give up

'got to walk out of here
I can't take anymore
going to stand on that bridge
keep my eyes down below
whatever may come
and whatever may go
that river's flowing
that river's flowing
moved on to another town
tried hard to settle down
for every job, so many men
so many men no-one needs

don't give up
'cause you have friends
don't give up
you're not the only one
don't give up
no reason to be ashamed
don't give up
you still have us
don't give up now
we're proud of who you are
don't give up
you know it's never been easy
don't give up
'cause I believe there's the a place
there's a place where we belong

I don't know what it is, but Peter Gabriel has a way of bringing me back. Many songs do this to me, but something about Peter Gabriel brings my to my brothers and I get all weepy.

I have to assume it has to do with my mother. She would get a new CD and it was all we would hear through the house for about 6 weeks.

It's funny, my sister and I talk about when she got George Michael's Faith which included "I Want Your Sex". She would never play it while we were in the house but we overheard it one day while we were outside...she must have tried to keep it hidden for a month or so - CRACK ME UP!

Anyway, I wonder if Peter Gabriel was the phase she was going through during the divorce. The other song that reminds me so much of them is this one:

"Solsbury Hill"
Climbing up on Solsbury Hill
I could see the city light
Wind was blowing, time stood still
Eagle flew out of the night
He was something to observe
Came in close, I heard a voice
Standing stretching every nerve
Had to listen had no choice
I did not believe the information
(I) just had to trust imagination

My heart going boom boom boom
"Son," he said "Grab your things,
I've come to take you home."

To keep in silence I resigned
My friends would think I was a nut
Turning water into wine
Open doors would soon be shut
So I went from day to day
Tho' my life was in a rut"
Till I thought of what I'd say
Which connection I should cut
I was feeling part of the scenery
I walked right out of the machinery

My heart going boom boom boom
"Hey" he said "Grab your things
I've come to take you home."

(Back home.)
When illusion spin her net
I'm never where I want to be
And liberty she pirouette
When I think that I am free
Watched by empty silhouettes
Who close their eyes but still can see
No one taught them etiquette
I will show another me
Today I don't need a replacement
I'll tell them what the smile on my face meant

My heart going boom boom boom
"Hey" I said "You can keep my things,
they've come to take me home."

I can hear these songs any place any time and it brings me to my brothers. I love Peter Gabriel and not the Genisis Peter Gabriel or even the Sledgehammer Peter Gabriel but the one that brings me back to my brothers...

I'm not sure why it is just the boys and not my sisters. Of course there is music that reminds me of my sisters (In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel reminds me of my older sister because it was her wedding song as well as Joe Cocker's version on A Little Help From My Friends because we all danced to it at her wedding - most any Janet Jackson song reminds me of my younger sister, especially Control). But those are usually happy memories...memories that bring joy to me not the overwhelming sadness that I feel when I hear the ones that remind me of my brothers.

I love my brothers and I think that they were effected most by the divorce. Of course, the divorce started well over 13 years ago...we have all grown up, mostly gotten over it - they are adults now, grown men (Loren just turned 20 even and Alex is engaged to be married in 2009).

I think this is something I have to keep working on...keep writing about.

No comments: