What is going on with today's music?

I promise you that I am not one of those old people that screams about her child's choice in music. If anything, they learn to like new music because I am playing it.

I try not to censor too much of what they hear (well, too much of what Z hears). I typically buy the "radio" version of the song, meaning they do censor any most cursing. And I certainly don't let him listen to things like Eminem (although I will admit that there are a select few songs that I do enjoy that Eminem sings raps performs)whose lyrics typically follow these lines:

The way you shake it,
I can't believe it
I ain't never seen an ass like that
The way you move it,
you make my pee pee go
Doing, doing, doing

Anyway...Z handed me an "updated" Christmas list 2 days before Christmas. Still believing in Santa, he thought that it would be no problem to get whatever he wanted. I had to inform him that Santa would NOT be bringing a Nintendo DS (because I don't believe that an 8 year old child needs - or is responsible enough to take care of - a $130 hand held gaming device). Also on the list were CDs (which he had not originally asked for).

The CDs were not a problem. I have a pretty extensive Itunes library and I know that he loves a lot of the music I listen to (aside from Les Miserable and The Newsies Soundtrack...oh and Phantom of the Opera). I also bought about 15 new songs.

I burned the CDs for him and presented them in his new CD holder under the Christmas tree. I also added them to my Ipod and listened to them while I was washing the Christmas dishes...

And I heard lyrics like this about a woman drunk at a nightclub:

I've had a little bit too much, much
All of the people start to rush, start to rush by
How does he twist the dance?
Can't find a drink, oh man
Where are my keys?
I lost my phone, phone

And this one about the woman with super powers (and, yes, even the radio "edited" version had bitch in it):

Some days I'm a super bitch
Up to my old tricks
But it won't last forever
Next day I'm your super girl
Out to save the world
And it keeps getting better

One about a woman being abused by her boyfriend:

Do you feel like a man
When you push her around?
Do you feel better now, as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend,
one day this world's going to end
As your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.

And one with incredibly bad grammar that encourages you to accept me "just the way I are" and to tip when I strip:

~ Timbaland ~I ain't got no money
I ain't got no car to take you on a date
I can't even buy you flowers
But together we could be the perfect soulmates
Talk to me girl

~ Keri Hilson ~
OhBaby, it's alright now
You ain't gotta flaunt for me
If we go touch
You can still touch my love, it's free
We can work without the perks just you and me
Thug it out til' we get it right

~ Chorus ~
Baby if you strip, you can get a tip
'Cause I like you just the way you are
I'm about to strip and I'm well equipped
Can you handle me the way I'm are?
I don't need the G's or the car keys
Boy I like you just the way you are
Let me see ya strip, you can get a tip
'Cause I like, I like, I like...

Now, I am not a prude. These are things that my kids hear on the radio every day. I wonder...is this a sign of my getting older? It's not that I don't like the music (honestly, I enjoy all the songs above)...but I am not so sure about allowing my son to hear music that demoralizes women, encourages lousy grammar (and cursing) and encourages drinking...I mean, he is 8!!

And if all this isn't bad enough, A has the memory of an elephant. He takes things and locks them in immediately. Today in the car we were listening to the radio, per usual, and we heard the latest Nickleback song. A immediately learned the chorus and began to sing:

You naughty thing
You’re ripping up the dance floor honey
You naughty women
You shake your ass around for everyone
You’re such a mover
I love the way you dance with anybody
The way you swing
And tease them all by sucking on your thumb
Your so much cooler when you never pull it out
Cause you look so much cuter
with Something in Your Mouth

Lovely....

I am either old or a total geek...

If you are here for the contest click HERE. The contest will end on Thursday December 11th and the prize will be mailed out on Monday. You can earn multiple entries so go forth and spread the word!

We take a break from our regularly scheduled cleaning to let you all know what a dork I am.

Can I tell you what got me motivated to do the housecleaning today (even though I am stuffy and cranky and just feel, overall, crappy)? Newsies. Don't know what Newsies is? Go here. (Christian Bale may die a little inside every time someone brings this up...after all he went from singing newsboy to Batman...a bit of a change - honestly this is when I first fell in love with him.)

Want a better idea? Watch these:







So I recently acquired an IPod (more on that in a later blog) and last night I uploaded a bunch of my old CDs including The Newsies Soundtrack and today I was a cleaning fool. Working up a sweat, singing at the top of my lungs...hope the neighbors couldn't hear me...crying at parts, dancing...I swear I could have been on stage (okay, maybe not, but my bathroom sure felt like a stage). And before I was singing from The Newsies I was singing from Les Miserables...it's my "Showtunes" playlist (although neither are REALLY showtunes...).

I feel a little cheesy and even a little more old (as if living through Sunday wasn't bad enough). Reminds me of my high school days - sitting on my boyfriend's couch, singing along (how did I not know he was gay???). We actually performed a Newsies song in chorus (yes, he was in chorus with me too...how did I not know....seriously!).

What gets you motivated? Is it something you might be embarrassed to admit to anyone? (I tell you, Kirby will NEVER see my doing that and my kids - ugh, I would never live it down.) I want to hear all about it!

Dinner and Drinks

Before my, most exciting, night at NKOTB I met Jessi and Aaron at their home. Jessi and I were going to the concert together and Aaron had offered to drive us into Boston.

Jessi is my best friend's sister and I hadn't seen her in years. She and Aaron are engaged to be married and I had not yet had the pleasure of meeting him (although I read their blog everyday and feel like I know him). So, it was really good to see/meet the both of them.

They brought me to one of their most favorite restaurants where we ate (really AWESOME food) and chatted and ate and chatted. We gossipped (gasp - me? I know!). We laughed. It was nice.

Aaron met us at the door with the car (it was pouring) and drove our butts down to Boston - in the POURING rain. I am SO thankful he offered to drive. While I COULD have handled it, I am really glad I didn't have to. I was tense enough riding down in the backseat (and NOT because of Aaron's driving, just the rain).

I think all of Jessi's blog readers swoon a bit every time we read a post about something wonderful Aaron did. Now I get it :)

When we got to The Garden, Jessi and I waited outside for my (soon-to-be) sister-in-law, Andrea, and people watched. I was truly amazed at the women coming into the concert (and I mean WOMEN, I honestly could have counted the number of men at the show on two hands...the number of STRAIGHT men could have been done on ONE hand...maybe even just a few of those fingers). We were pretty close to the youngest women there. We saw every walk of life, though. I saw old women with saggy boobs in their original NKOTB tank top...I saw young women in new NKOTB-wear....I saw gay men...I saw a man that was, obviously, dragged their by his girlfriend (or whatever) and was VERY unhappy to be there...it was interesting...

As soon as we got into The Garden we saw the most yummy looking, frozen cocktails in "glasses" as tall as my kids. Soon enough, Jessi and I were on the hunt. 3 flights of stairs, 20 minutes in line and $12 later we had the most delicious margaritas...that were gone before NKOTB even hit the stage :) Yummy!

And you all know how much we enjoyed the show, how we screamed like little girls...but what I didn't mention was that we (Jessi) is pretty sure that Donny heard us (her) screaming...of course, we talked about it the whole ride home...

And that was about that point in time that Aaron offered to drop her at the bus station to find her own way back:)

Good times, good times!

Thanks again, guys! Can't wait to see you at The Hike (please click the link and support our efforts to raise money for breast cancer research and awareness)!

1988: Die Hard, Leap Year, Cold War....

But more importantly, what was I doing in 1988? Well, I was Hangin' Tough, of course. And, once again, on Friday night, I was Hangin' Tough, Step by Stepping and acting like a Cover Girl.

Honestly, I went to the NKOTB show for a good laugh. When Alex called and told me Andrea had an extra ticket I thought, "what the hell, it'll be funny to see these old men acting like kids all over again."

Honestly, it was the MOST fun I have EVER had at a concert. I screamed like a 12 year-old girl over and over again. I looked at Jessi and, literally, shook with unbelievable excitement. I screamed, I laughed, I danced, I sang, I got a little teary....it was awesome.








They sang for about 2 hours and for the first 5 or so songs they NEVER stopped moving. They went from one song right into the other. They danced like they were 17 again. They went through about a dozen wardrobe changes. They thanked the audience (a full to capacity Garden) over and over again. They brought Paul Pierce from the the Boston Celtics out on stage with the NBA World Championship Trophy from this past basketball season and they all Hung Tough together, dancing and singing and LOVING every second of it.







Did I mention that I screamed like a 12 year old girl? And that I danced? And sang? Oh, and I dripped with sweat...dripped. Being at the top of the Garden it was hot (and by top I MEAN TIPPITY TOP), dancing like a crazy 12 year old all night didn't help.

Of course it was cheesy. Of course I kept asking myself if it was really as ridiculous as I thought it was that I was screaming like a little girl at these men. Of course the songs have the same cheese they did when I was listening to them in 1988.









But it was THE BEST. I loved every single minute of it! And besides all that, it is the last time I get to see Andrea before she officially becomes my sister-in-law. LOVED IT!

Oh, it is TOTALLY RIGHT!

Have I told you that I am going to see NKOTB in concert on Friday in Boston with some awesome friends and (soon-to-be official) family. Don't be jealous - you know you want to go too. Ask me if I am excited...go ahead, I dare you!

Loaded up and ready to go!

We are still on vacation and this post (like the ones before it) were written in preparation of our trip. I should be home tomorrow and hope to jump right back into my routine!

In preparation for our 6-8 hour trek north I made the decision to load up my MP3 player with my ITunes gift cards. I had $55 to spend (man, I am really splurging on myself lately).

In the end I had 57 new songs and nearly 4 hours of new music! I am so PSYCHED to drown out the world on our ride up (and since we are heading up at night I won't be ignoring the kids...although I am not sure that would be a bad thing).

It was a process, however. I had to find and purchase all the music, burn it to CD and THEN rip it into MP3 format. Honestly, I am thinking an Ipod would have been SO much easier (yeah, thanks a lot SITS :). Ripping each song can take 5+ minutes each...what a pain in the arse!

I bought a WIDE array of music. And, in no particular order, here they are. I took many of your suggestions (as well as the suggestions of people over at Twenty Four at Heart's blog) and many songs that I just love. Some cheesy, some predictable, some crazy...

Rehab - Amy Winehouse
Solsbury Hill - Peter Gabriel
Shake Ya Tailfeather - Murphy Lee, Nelly & P. Diddy
Black Horse and the Cherry Tree - KT Tunstall
I Will Survive - Cake
What's Up? - 4 Non Blondes
Scenes from an Italian Restaurant - Billy Joel
American Girl - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
Summer Love - Justin Timberlake
China Girl - David Bowie
Fire and Rain - James Taylor
America - Neil Diamond
Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond
Hallelujah - Kate Voegele
Swing - Trace Adkins
A Little Less Conversation (JXL Radio Edit Remix) - Elvis Presley
I Kissed a Girl - Katy Perry
Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis
Stay - Sugarland
Viva la Vida - Coldplay
Violet Hill - Coldplay
Bubbly - Colbie Caillat
Realize - Colbie Caillat
Mercy - Duffy
Hometown Glory- ADELE
Ventura Highway - America
Livin' on a Prayer - Bon Jovi
Laid - James
SOS - Rihanna
Before He Cheats - Carrie Underwood
Jesus, Take the Wheel - Carrie Underwood
Hey There Delilah - Plain White T's
Fade Into You - Mazzy Star
4 Minutes (feat. Justin Timberlake & Timbaland) - Madonna
These Boots Are Made for Walkin' - Jessica Simpson
Don't Stop Believin' - Journey
What Hurts the Most - Rascal Flatts
Because of You - Reba McEntire & Kelly Clarkson
Who Knew - P!nk
Your Song - Elton John
Songbird - Fleetwood Mac
Don't Give Up - Peter Gabriel
Faith - George Michael
Beer for My Horses - Toby Keith & Willie Nelson
I Don't Wanna Be - Gavin DeGraw
Strong Enough - Sheryl Crow
Wild Horses - The Sundays
You Can Call Me Al - Paul Simon
When the Stars Go Blue - Tim McGraw
You'll Think of Me - Keith Urban
Across the Lines - Tracy Chapman
All for You (Full Band Version) - Sister Hazel
Yellow - Coldplay
Black Dog - Led Zeppelin
All My Love - Led Zeppelin
Another One Bites the Dust - Queen
You're My Best Friend - Queen

Now, Nicki, I am sure that I could have gotten most of these songs from you and, if I wasn't such a loser that waited too long to make up her mind and then wants instant gratification, I would have...

Less TV, more sleep!

Kirby has a bad habit of turning the TV on in the bedroom, setting the sleep timer and falling asleep. I, unfortunately, am not able to fall asleep with the TV on. I watch it...many nights until 1am. I watch Will and Grace reruns, Sex and the City reruns, King of the Hill reruns, ET, The Insider, crazy PBS documentaries...you name it, I will find it.

One of the upsides of our separating (if there is such a thing as an upside to a separation) is that I have reclaimed the bedroom and reclaimed my sleep routine. After 10 years I have finally kicked the bedtime TV habit and I am LOVING it!

Kirby, unfortunately, has not kicked the habit. This means that while I am lying in bed, waiting to fall asleep, I can hear every word on the TV downstairs. It calls to me, I long to turn the TV in the bedroom on...I just want to see what is happening...but I don't.

I have started listening to music instead. I flip on my trusty MP3 player, turn it up if I need to, and drift into never never land, sleeping soundly through the night (well, as soundly as my lovely A will allow).

I've decided, however, that I seriously need a new MP3 player. You see, mine does not turn off on its own. I cannot create playlists. Therefore, I either wake up to turn it off again or get startled awake by A at my bedside having not heard him approaching.

It's official, the SITS automatic number generator thingy was wrong....it TRULY intended to pick MY number and award ME the Ipod. Seriously!

I NEED This - SITS Contest

You know how your kids (or kids you know) whine..."I NEEEEED IT" about whatever it is that has sparked their interest in the store, or on the TV commercials, or out of the blue. Like: "I NEEEEEED that new Nintendo DS". And you reply (or I reply): "No, you don't need it, you want it, and there is a difference".

This is one of the many reasons that I am thankful for PBS and why I volunteer so much time there (okay, really that is just a great excuse to spend so much time there - I do ABSOLUTELY love it). PBS doesn't have those commercials that trigger the needs or wants.

When I saw this I had one of those I NEEEEED moments. I NEED THAT IPOD! You all know that I have a bit of an obsession with music (and if you don't you can go here, here, here or here). and you all know that I have been looking to find the best songs to put on my MP3 player.

What you may not know is that my MP3 player has been acting up lately. It shuts down whenever it feels like it. The batteries die frequently. And as I mentioned here I tend to look like a junky trying to get her fix when it won't work when I NEED it to.

I have been looking into buying a new MP3 but I can't talk myself into spending the money. I am MORE THAN frugal when it comes to spending money on myself. When it comes to the kids or my business I tend not to worry as much but when it comes to me I rationalize every reason and talk myself out of it.

Have I made it clear enough? I NEED THAT IPOD!

So here's what I need from YOU:

1) If you are not already a member of SITS go here and leave a comment. (The great thing about SITS is you find wonderful blogs to read and, if you are interested, often times it increases your readers and your comments).

2) Make sure you mention "CRAZY MOMMA" sent you in your comment.

3) Put this little label on your blog:



4) Go read some blogs!

Again, I NEED THIS IPOD! So make it happen :)

My 10

So I have been doing some serious thinking about my 10 most life altering songs. Honestly, I don't know that I can narrow it down to 10 but here goes nothing:

1) Solsbury Hill - Peter Gabriel. I have posted before that this song reminds me of my brothers. I am not sure the reason...but I love the song.

2) Anna Begins - Counting Crows. There is something about the passion in this song that can make me cry immediately.

3) Lose Yourself - Eminem. Most people immediately turn from Eminem. If you take a minute to listen to the lyrics (okay, not all, but at least these lyrics) you will see that there is something so much deeper. This song is about fulfilling a dream, taking care of a family and learning how to make it work.

4) My Immortal - Evanescence. Ugh. I think this is my anthem right now. Never mind that the song is haunting...but the words, the passion...perfect. Exactly my thoughts and feelings (at least today).

5) IF - Janet Jackson. Nothing better to dance to. That Janet - she rules!

6) Boxer - Simon and Garfunkel. It is an intensely moving song about a boy coming of age.

7) One Headlight - The Wallflowers. This song reminds me of simpler times. A summer when all I had to worry about was getting caught "parking" behind the elementary schools in Rochester. A summer full of passion and love (even if it was nothing but teenage love). In an instant it will bring me back.

8) I Run for Life - Melissa Etheridge. I love the passion for life in this song. She survived and she isn't letting anything get in her way. Such strength!

9) Santeria - Sublime. Because I want to "pop a cap in Sancho and I'd slap her down"...well, not really. Seriously though, if you aren't familiar with Sublime they are well worth checking out. A bit vulgar, catchy beat (Ska maybe)...no longer, however, the lead singer died of an overdose.

10) Dance Monkey - Sage Francis. I warn you, this song is not for those easily offended. I freaking love it. I went to a Sage Francis show and it was, possibly, one of the most terrifying experiences of my life - they are scary. But it was such an awesome scare. This song makes me move and if you check out my myspace page you can see a great video of Christopher Walken dancing to it...HYSTERICAL!

So there you go, my top 10. I don't know that it is actually my top 10 but more like 10 of the top songs. I don't know how many there are - music is vital to my life therefore, I end up with a lot of songs that mean something to me (or I just like for whatever reason).

Tell me your top 10. Help me expand my MP3!

Music is my saviour

Music has always been an integral part of my life. There are many songs that I hear that I can remember the exact first time I heard them. There are millions of songs that remind me of specific people. There a songs that help me through rough times and songs that help me get my groove on...

During times that I am having a hard time with what is going on in my head I turn the radio in the car all the way up (which really isn't all that far in a Dodge Grand Caravan - matter of fact, one of the speakers decides when it is and isn't going to come one...annoying), sing, dance and drown out whatever my head won't shut up about.

So, yesterday I went on a bit of a shopping spree. Something to help lift my spirits a bit. I bought a few new CD's and a $30 Itunes gift card.

Those of you who know me know that I rarely...well....NEVER buy these things for myself (in fact, after I burned what I wanted I passed the CDs to my stepson so he could have them). This was a HUGE splurge for me. So I am not about to just hop on Itunes and buy whatever. This is going to take some major research to figure out what 30 songs are going to be the best add to my MP3.

So tell me, what 10 songs could you not live without. What songs make your world rotate better? What 10 songs help you get your groove on or forget about the world around you? Post it in a comment, blog about it (and let me know) and help me choose the songs to frame my next 10 months.

Musical Savant - 3 in one day? I know! What's going on?!

I love my MP3 player. However, I know that I have been listening to it too much when I am getting bored with the music...

There are a few songs that I have added to playlist that remind me of an amazing man that I met a couple summers ago. He and his mother were on tour (she is a well known singer/songwriter) and they both came in for a massage.

When the man called to schedule their appointments he introduced himself as (insert first name here)'s "manager" like I was suppose to know who he was. I immediately felt like an idiot for not knowing who she was...I now know that I should not feel like an idiot (her fame was well before my time) but I am so glad that I have gotten to know her and her son's music.

He is his mother's accompaniment and played the guitar for her while she is on stage. He also plays on his own and had "invented" a number of different ways to play. As a result of the guitar playing his wrists and forearms bother him regularly so we concentrated on those areas.

He talked the whole time he was on the table (at one point his father, who was in the waiting area screamed at him to "shut up and relax" - but he was). He thanked me every time I worked on an area that was especially bothersome to him. He seemed obsessed with music and the way it is created. He told me what an amazing guitarist he was but not in a boastful way, in a matter of fact way. Mostly I didn't understand the way he talked about music but I did understand the passion he felt.

I was lucky enough to see him twice and each time he left he hugged me goodbye, thanked me and told me to send his "love to the boys" (although he never met my boys and we rarely talked about them) - never one looking me in the eye. His last session he left me a gift of his mother's latest CD but I never got one of his. That Christmas I asked for it and Monica and Steve got it for me.

I truly believed that he was on the spectrum. I truly thought that he might have Asperger's or some other form of high functioning Autism. When he completed his client intake form he had not indicated it, his parents (both of whom I spoke with) never mentioned it - but why would they? He was an adult, it did not effect his ability to receive a massage.

About a year later I ran into the woman who had introduced them to me. We talked about he and his mother and how they were doing (how incredibly handsome he was, etc). I asked her if he was on the spectrum. She said that he had never been identified (of course, 20 or so years ago autism was barely recognized, never mind a high functioning case) but she wondered...his father (and manager) had refused to have him looked at as anything but brilliant.

Yesterday, listening to his music on my MP3 I was, once again, struck by what an amazing musician he is. Each time I hear his music I, again, recognize his passion and understand why it is such an important part of his life. He is a musical savant, a genius - there is no question in my mind.

And now I realize why he was put on my table. He was put there to show me that Autism (diagnosed or not) can be an amazing thing. Since then I have learned that some of the most amazing inventors, composers, writers, artists are thought to have been autistic including Shakespeare, Einstein, Mozart and even Woody Allen. Where would we be today with out these people?

And, someday, my little man is going to be one of them. I don't know what he is career he destined for but I do know that he is destined for greatness in whatever he chooses to do.

Brothers (and sisters)

While checking out a friend's MySpace page the following song came on:

PETER GABRIEL LYRICS
"Don't Give Up"
in this proud land we grew up strong
we were wanted all along
I was taught to fight,
taught to win
I never thought I could fail
no fight left or so it seems
I am a man whose dreams have all deserted
I've changed my face,
I've changed my name
but no one wants you when you lose

don't give up
'cos you have friends
don't give up
you're not beaten yet
don't give up
I know you can make it good

though I saw it all around
never thought I could be affected
thought that we'd be the last to go
it is so strange the way things turn
drove the night toward my home
the place that I was born, on the lakes
ideas daylight broke, I saw the earth
the trees had burned down to the ground

don't give up
you still have us
don't give up
we don't need much of anything
don't give up
'cause somewhere there's a place
where we belong
rest your head
you worry too much
it's going to be alright
when times get rough
you can fall back on us
don't give up
please don't give up

'got to walk out of here
I can't take anymore
going to stand on that bridge
keep my eyes down below
whatever may come
and whatever may go
that river's flowing
that river's flowing
moved on to another town
tried hard to settle down
for every job, so many men
so many men no-one needs

don't give up
'cause you have friends
don't give up
you're not the only one
don't give up
no reason to be ashamed
don't give up
you still have us
don't give up now
we're proud of who you are
don't give up
you know it's never been easy
don't give up
'cause I believe there's the a place
there's a place where we belong

I don't know what it is, but Peter Gabriel has a way of bringing me back. Many songs do this to me, but something about Peter Gabriel brings my to my brothers and I get all weepy.

I have to assume it has to do with my mother. She would get a new CD and it was all we would hear through the house for about 6 weeks.

It's funny, my sister and I talk about when she got George Michael's Faith which included "I Want Your Sex". She would never play it while we were in the house but we overheard it one day while we were outside...she must have tried to keep it hidden for a month or so - CRACK ME UP!

Anyway, I wonder if Peter Gabriel was the phase she was going through during the divorce. The other song that reminds me so much of them is this one:

PETER GABRIEL LYRICS
"Solsbury Hill"
Climbing up on Solsbury Hill
I could see the city light
Wind was blowing, time stood still
Eagle flew out of the night
He was something to observe
Came in close, I heard a voice
Standing stretching every nerve
Had to listen had no choice
I did not believe the information
(I) just had to trust imagination

My heart going boom boom boom
"Son," he said "Grab your things,
I've come to take you home."

To keep in silence I resigned
My friends would think I was a nut
Turning water into wine
Open doors would soon be shut
So I went from day to day
Tho' my life was in a rut"
Till I thought of what I'd say
Which connection I should cut
I was feeling part of the scenery
I walked right out of the machinery

My heart going boom boom boom
"Hey" he said "Grab your things
I've come to take you home."

(Back home.)
When illusion spin her net
I'm never where I want to be
And liberty she pirouette
When I think that I am free
Watched by empty silhouettes
Who close their eyes but still can see
No one taught them etiquette
I will show another me
Today I don't need a replacement
I'll tell them what the smile on my face meant

My heart going boom boom boom
"Hey" I said "You can keep my things,
they've come to take me home."

I can hear these songs any place any time and it brings me to my brothers. I love Peter Gabriel and not the Genisis Peter Gabriel or even the Sledgehammer Peter Gabriel but the one that brings me back to my brothers...

I'm not sure why it is just the boys and not my sisters. Of course there is music that reminds me of my sisters (In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel reminds me of my older sister because it was her wedding song as well as Joe Cocker's version on A Little Help From My Friends because we all danced to it at her wedding - most any Janet Jackson song reminds me of my younger sister, especially Control). But those are usually happy memories...memories that bring joy to me not the overwhelming sadness that I feel when I hear the ones that remind me of my brothers.

I love my brothers and I think that they were effected most by the divorce. Of course, the divorce started well over 13 years ago...we have all grown up, mostly gotten over it - they are adults now, grown men (Loren just turned 20 even and Alex is engaged to be married in 2009).

I think this is something I have to keep working on...keep writing about.