Don't mess with my cubs!

I had a total "mother bear" moment this evening. When it comes to my children, their safety, their feelings...cross me (or them, for that matter) and I turn "mother bear".

Zachary has been playing baseball for the past two years. He has been on the same team but this year they have a different coach. He enjoys it (but will probably never be an all star athlete and I don't care - as long as he is having fun).

The team he plays on is full of true to life boys. Pushy, mouthy, attention deficient, dirty boys. They are not bad kids, they are just typical boys who need a lot of redirection, a lot of discipline and a lot of tolerance.

Kirby "coaches" and I keep score (and attempt to keep these monsters in line while they are in the dugout). I say "coaches" because he has never officially volunteered with the league, just helps out when he sees the need as often as he can.

This is the new coaches first year coaching. He is a great guy - no doubt - he just hasn't made it clear to the kids what is expected from them. We have kids that are teasing the other team (as well as their own teammates), throwing equipment (and nearly taking of the head of one of their own players with a bat), chewing gum in the catchers mask (and leaving the remnants for the next person who plays catcher to get all over his mouth), pushing, shoving, talking back to coaches and parents, complaining about the position the play....I could go on.

They are GREAT players. They have only lost one game and even that was close. These kids can hit, they can catch, they make great plays....then there are the fundamentals. There is no sportsmanship, no playing as a team and no respect for their coaches, their peers or the parents helping out.

Tonight they had practice. Practice turned into a free for all. Kids were getting tackled on the field, one kid threatened to hit another with a baseball bat, they were fighting about which position they were playing and the coaches didn't say a thing. In fact, the coaches were horsing around as much as the kids were.

Kirby had to attend a wake this evening and was late for practice. By the time he showed up two other fathers had gotten so irritated that they got on the field to try and keep the kids in line.

A few of the other parents and I were chatting on the sidelines AMAZED at how out of control these kids were. One commented on how "painful" it was to watch and mentioned her husband was on the field because he was "getting ready to blow his top".

Zachary was playing catcher without any gear except the mask. He isn't a great catcher and tends to forget to move into action as soon as the batter makes contact with the ball. The coaches made absolutely NO attempt to correct him. At one point in time I stepped out on the field and reminded him what he was expected to do.

About an hour into practice, the same kid that threatened to hit another with the baseball bat, the same kid that had tackled about 5 kids on the field, the same kid that mouths off to me at EVERY game, shoved my son.

Mother Bear kicked in.

I told Kirby to watch Andrew and marched out onto the field to find that both coaches had seen nothing. I informed them that if I saw one more kid shove I was going to bench them myself. "Go ahead" the head coach says, "whose shoving" the assistant coach asks him as I walk away, "I don't know" he responds "I haven't seen it" (in such ah "oh give me a break" tone), "THEY ALL ARE" I holler "And one of those kids just shoved my kid - I'm DONE, these kids are out of control". I stomped off the field, grabbed Andrew and left Kirby to bring Zach home when they were done.

On the way home I called to get the league president's number. I am fully prepared to call him. One of these kids is going to get hurt if not by one of their own teammates by someone they are on the field playing against.

I took a few minutes, I cooled down and I decided that I need to call the coach, apologize for doing this on the field in the middle of practice and explain to him my concerns:

-This level in the league is called Rookies. They call it Rookie level because the kids are learning the fundamentals of the game, they are not given the score, they are new to the sport and they are there to have fun;

-Zachary is there to learn and to have a good time doing it;

-Somebody is going to seriously get hurt;

-These kids are not being taught discipline, respect, sportsmanship or the fundamentals of the game.

I left a message for him to call me but I think my mother bear attitude scared him off...



I screwed up, I feel badly (and a bit embarrassed) but I am not going to back down. Yes, I need to have a different approach but this is serious and I will not tolerate it anymore.

If it doesn't get resolved I think I am going to have to take a step back...

Canoes on Salmon Falls

Turns out I wasn't the only one to take an unintentional dip in the Salmon Falls river yesterday.

Although I didn't join them, a number of my family members canoed up river yesterday. During the trip Dad took a bit of a spill into the river. I'm sure it was a bit of a scary moment...but it sure was funny to hear about afterwards.

My irrational fear of my children near open water kept me away (as well as my horror at climbing into a canoe at this weight)...now I am wishing I had made it. If for nothing else but to have witnessed my father's dip - evil, I know.

Sue was awesome and sent some great photos from the day.



Christian trying to catch some fish


Monica, Steve and Thanny





Dad and Loren


Dad and Sue



Dad and Thanny (on a side note, I wonder how long Nathaniel will allow us to call him Thanny...)


Steve


Than in an inner tube


And in the kayak


Than and Monica

A fishy, water logged Memorial Weekend.

What a gorgeous, long weekend! The weather was near perfect every day. And we took full - well close to full - advantage of it.

Friday was the boy's Memorial Day Presentation at school. Since it was in the morning, Andrew was not going to participate (he is in the afternoon kindergarten session). He and I agreed that he would come and sit with me and sing all the songs. Unfortunately, he had a total "autistic moment" about 10 minutes in. He wanted a flag that was being used as a decoration, I said no and all hell broke loose. He cried so hard that he hyperventilated, he hit me, he screamed...we left. It was mortifying! Thankfully, Zach wasn't aware that I had to leave...he thinks I saw the whole thing (and I am not about to admit otherwise).

Saturday was quiet. Well, as quiet as it can be when you are fighting with an 8 year old to clean his room. Truthfully, it took all day. He started at 10am and by 7pm he was FINALLY done. It was a disaster and I was fed up. It's done, for now...

Sunday I had an Embracing Autism NH (EANH) meeting in the morning As soon as I got back the boys were ready to go. Go where? Where else? Fishing, of course!



One of Andrew's friends from school happened to be walking by and he and his family decided to join us. T and F had never been fishing before and Zachary had a great time teaching them to cast and put the worm on the hook.

We did catch much other than a sunburn. I forgot the sunscreen and a few hours of sitting on the water in the sun isn't a great idea for me. Before I left my EANH Tracy told me to enjoy my weekend and to "get some sun". I'm not sure that was her idea. Thankfully the boys got away with very little redness. Redheads with fair skin should ALWAYS wear sunscreen - unfortunately, Mom tends to forget.

Sunday evening was the first Movie in the Barn at Dad's house of the season.





After Andrew broke the birdbath...

We watched the short video Sue made about her time in Iraq (WONDERFUL) followed by Ratatouille.



We made it through the movie with few incidences. Andrew even sat for most of it. Home at 11pm...exhausted.

The Moving Wall (www.themovingwall.org) has been in Ossipee all weekend and Kirby really wanted to get out and see it. First thing Sunday we packed a lunch and made our way over.

He and I have seen The Moving Wall together once before and got to see the real thing once as well. Every time we see it we are incredibly moved.

I was happy to have the boys with us but worried about how they were going to behave. Again, few incidences...thank you god!









The boys even got the ride in a "real Army truck"! Andrew was so excited!







I am glad that we made it over there and proud of how well my kids handled themselves. I hate having to talk to my kids about those things - the violence and reality of the world. I want them to believe that the world is full of love and peace...I worry that I will taint their views. Of course, my worry doesn't stop me. After all, it is reality.

After visiting the wall we traveled down to New Durham to The Powder Mill Fish Hatchery. The hatchery is run by NH Fish and Game. We had taken the boys there once before but they were so young they didn't even remember it.




You'd think we had brought them to Six Flags for a weekend! They had SUCH a great time! It just reinforces the fact that you don't have to spend money to have fun with your kids. Seriously, we spent $1 on fish food and they had over an hour of enjoyment!









Check out the size of those fish!











We ended the day by taking the kids fishing at the Salmon Falls River in Rochester.











The boys aren't use to river fishing and it was harder than I remembered. We lost 3 lines, didn't catch a thing and Mom ended up looking like this:




I totally fell in. Kirby took this picture AFTER he took the camera out of my pocket (soaking wet), AFTER he asked me if I was okay but not BEFORE he tried to get the camera to take a picture of me lying in the water trying like hell to get out.

I had been fishing out of the water the whole time (well after I climbed into the water to try and get my line out). It wasn't all that cold, I was enjoying dipping my feet...then I lost my footing. Sonuvabiscuit!!!

I smelled like a dead fish the whole way back to Wolfeboro in soaking wet jeans with two screaming, whining kids in the back...

Quick thoughts

My father tells me that his job as a parent is to embarrass his children, to the best of his ability, on all occassions (including following behind us in a busy grocery store, dragging his foot, hollering our names like a crazy person). I learned well.

I only hope that I can take those lessons and make my parents proud as I raise my children.

Feet - glorious, beautiful, wonderful feet!

How can you not love that? My fellow blogger Tony aka I Sweat Butter hates feet. He even blogged about his disgust here: http://isweatbutter.blogspot.com/2008/05/tis-season-to-wear-dem-flip-flops.html (someone really needs to tell me how to fix those links so they look nice and neat so it will say "see HERE" instead of putting the whole stinking link there).

I am a foot lover. My first job was in a shoe store. Now, of course, I am a massage therapist, my job being to rub tired feet (well, that isn't my only job, but a good part of it). And being a mother, I constantly have feet in my face, day in and day out, whether washing them, cutting the nails, smelling them or biting...

Now, this is not some crazy, sick fetish...I just love feet. I do have some criteria, however. They must be clean, they must smell nice (well, as nice as a foot can smell), the nails must be trimmed (and clean, of course) - not like these:



I love flip fops and sandals and, if it were possible in NH, would wear them year round. My little man loves them enough to create his very own flip flop/ski invention:



I grew up in a strange family. Well, we were normal by most standards but we did strange things. We lip-synced to "I'm Too Sexy" for a family friend's 16th birthday, we went caroling at Christmas time (from the car, screaming to our victim's home), we mooned New York City from our hotel room on our first family trip (well, I did...it was my father's idea, I'm just not sure anyone else joined me at the window - I am sure the natives were complaining about "those damned tourists - never passing up the opportunity to do something considered somewhat immoral with my parent's permission...that's for another blog) and we had a foot contest.

This contest was complete with pictures of each family member's foot and judge's forms. The judges rated the pictures and placed them in the most appropriate categories including Most Beautiful, Most Feminine and Most Masculine.

My mother insisted handing out the pictures to family friends - including my high school guidance counselor (how mortifying).

In the end, I was voted most beautiful, my mother most feminine and my sister, Monica, most masculine. Poor Monica. No wonder she hates to have her feet rubbed. I, on the other hand, love a good foot massage.

I am sure that my mother has those pictures somewhere. I will have to work on finding them...

Potty training

Who am I kidding? My child is going to be 30, married with 2 kids and a dog before he gets potty trained.

I am SO sick and tired of hearing the parents of 3 year old children complaining. You know what? I have been changing diapers for 8 years, 3 months and 12 days. My child is 6 YEARS OLD!! Every single day since the day Zachary was born I have changed diapers.

Andrew does not have the want, need or desire to use the toilet. And, quiet frankly, I don't have the want, need or desire to fight him EVERY FREAKING DAY to use it.

I have tried bribes, I have tried making him sit in it, I have tried forcing him, I have read to him while he was on the toilet, I promised him a party with all of his friends when he was potty trained...heck, I would promise him a trip to Disney World if I thought it would work.

I know this is not uncommon with kids on the spectrum...but jeez! I am beginning to think that I will be cleaning up crap for the rest of my life. Believe you me, the second Andrew gets trained, Kirby will be old enough to start losing his bodily functions...

The Guilt of Motherhood...

A few years ago when a close friend was pregnant, she spoke of feeling guilty about being a vegetarian. She worried that her baby was not getting enough protein (even though she was a GREAT vegetarian and got plenty of protein in her diet). I teased her that this was only the beginning; that motherhood brings guilt no matter what you do or do not do.

Andrew slept until 10:30 this morning. He has always been a bad sleeper. He doesn't sleep through the night, he wakes incredibly early or incredibly late. He does not go to bed on his own (Kirby has to lay down with him every night, oftentimes falling asleep too).

At 9:30 I was feeling great, enjoying the peace and quiet. At 10 I started to feel a little guilty because I knew that this meant I would not get to see him much today (he leaves for school at 11:15, gets home at 3:30, I leave for work at 5:15 and am there until he is in bed for the night). At 10:15 I decided that it was safe for me to hop in the shower...I was wrong.

I SWEAR this child has the uncanny ability to know when I am taking a shower so he can wreak havoc through my home.

Minutes after I got in the shower he was climbing on chairs, playing with the toilet plunger...

From that moment until 11:20 when I shoved him out the door for school I heard:

"I'm going to bite you in a minute."

"NO!!"

"WHERE IS ZACHY?"

"You're going to have to hold me down" - all the while with the most EVIL look on his face as I am trying to change a diaper full of poop

"MY TONGUE, THE TONGUE IS STUCK...MOOOOOOMMMMMY HELP ME, RIGHT NOW!"

At 11:10 - minutes before we needed to leave for school - I snapped these photos of him trying to put on his shoes to keep my hands busy and to stop from screaming bloody murder:







And now I feel guilty that are morning went the way it did.

Ah, the joys of motherhood...

Seriously?

Tom's girlfriend just emailed me and asked if he could join her on a trip to Maine this weekend...

Seriously? Are you freaking kidding me?

I consider myself to be pretty liberal. In fact, compared to Kirby I am WAY liberal when it comes to parenting. But even my reaction was a BIG FAT YEAH RIGHT!

When I was a teenager my parent's allowed co-ed sleepovers. Of course, it was me and 10-15 other people. Does that make it better or worse? I don't know...

My response? "ABSOFREAKINGLOUTELY NOT - ARE YOU FREAKING INSANE?"

Okay, not really...but that is what my mind was telling me to say.

Give him a month. He will be 18. Then he can make all the bad decisions he wants...

A Whirlwind of a Week(end)

Is it Sunday already? Seriously, this past week and weekend have been SO busy, I barely had time to enjoy it...

On Tuesday we found out that my Great Uncle Tom passed away. It was quick and relatively painless and he was 87 years old. I don't want to say that we were prepared - but it wasn't a shock. He was a wonderful man who looked like an exact replica of my grandfather - just add 10 years.

Friday afternoon I went down for the wake and Saturday was the funeral. Of course, Saturday we already had about 10 million other things to do, so squeezing it in AND finding a babysitter wasn't easy.

Friday evening Kirby and I took Zachary fishing for a little bit. I realize that I can be an incredibly anxious person. We went to the docks...open water...Zach isn't even close to a pro at swimming...I was a nervous wreck! New rule: Life vests while Zach is at the docks AND he has to stay withing 2 feet of the edge. No great pictures because it was pretty dark.

The only CATCH of the night (I snagged one but it got away before we got it to land...doesn't count unless you can bring it ashore):


Zach and Dad getting the fish off the hook and back into the water:


Saturday morning we had a baseball game, pictures and the home run derby with Zachary. I apologize for the pictures, I was using the zoom on most of them and it just doesn't work all that well (we really need a new camera...I'll get more into the reason why we are waiting in a bit).

The team:


Zach and his fellow rappers:


Watching the other team during their home run derby:


He's a monster when he hits that ball:


During his hits during the home run derby (he hit 180 feet for his three hits):


After our morning at the ball park Kirby and I flew home to change and get to the funeral. Thankfully, Courtney was willing to come help Tom with the boys for the afternoon and evening (there is no way I could have left them alone with Tom for 7+ hours - someone would have been dead by the time we got home - likely Tom).

The funeral was, well, a funeral. It was sad and hard and...well, just awful. I was fine until I watched my grandfather...watching a man that you see as stronger than life cry...it just kills you. That was the hardest part. I have seen my grandfather cry a total of two times and they both killed me.

After the funeral we went to the burial. As we pulled over to the side of the road our van scraped bottom - HARD. As we walked up to the car afterwards we saw that something was leaking....badly. Come to find out we tore a huge gash in the oil pan. There was no way that van was going much further. Thank god we took two vehicles down (in case there was an emergency at the house and one of us needed to get back). I drove the van to my father's barnyard, parked it and that is where it still sits...

We have had plans to go with my family to a comedy night since Easter. Even though our day was jam packed and our van was parked (possibly for good) we still went and I am so glad we did. All 4 comics were hysterical. I laughed until I cried. There were a few uncomfortable moments: one started ranting about Bush...my father directly behind us - Alex and I turned around at the same time, caught a glimpse of Dad's face and sank into our seats, and one spoke at length and in some detail about performing...well, to put it nicely...jeez, there is NO way to put it nicely....let's just say he was describing how to please a woman - there is NO WAY to watch that, laugh and feel comfortable while your father, his wife and a couple that you look at as family (and have known you since FOREVER) are sitting directly behind you - although it was really funny (the sound effects he used will never be allowed to enter my head again without seeing that, however). And one talked about this video (that I have never seen - OMG):




Seriously? Did you SEE THAT? HOW does that happen? How did he not DIE - if not from exposure from absolute embarrassment?! The comic said that he was offered $10,000 to talk to the media and he refused...can you blame him?

The show ended around 9:30. We had an offer to play poker but opted to head home instead and figure out what we were going to do about the van situation.

Honestly we have been looking at vehicles for a while now. Our van needed some pretty major work, Kirby wants something he can tow with...but we just aren't in a position to buy anything major right now (or anything that requires a payment). Kirby had a van in mind that he had seen on Craig's List.

Bright and early this morning we traveled down to Strafford, checked out the van and bought it on the spot. Then we drove to Dad's cleaned out our old van, told him it might be a few days before the tow company comes to get it and came home.

The "new" van is almost exactly like the "old" van. Same make, model and year. It is a different color and it does NOT have any of the "power" (locks, windows, cruise). It is in much better condition than ours, doesn't need tires, windshield, etc. We are all happy - though broke...and a whole lot less likely to replace the camera...

TGIM - almost.

The Prom. The Prom.

Tom attended the prom the night before Mother's Day.

We LOVE Kingswood's prom. Every year they put the kids on the Mount Washington, take them for a trip around the lake and bring them home (along with a bunch of teachers and even a half dozen or so cops). We know where they are, there is no sneaking out to the local hotel (of course, it is helpful that we don't really have any local hotels - only motels and they are only open during the summer) - and we know exactly when they should be home. It is a parent's dream!

And, honestly, it sounds like Tom and Ashley had a great time too.













They looked "MAAAAAVELOUS"!

It's My Mother's Day and I'll Be Late If I Want To!

I realized that I haven't blogged about Mother's Day (aside from my time spent at the auction). Ahhh, Mother's Day....the day that is suppose to be for Mother's but, typically, ends up being all about those mother's mothers (does that make sense?).

This Mother's Day was wonderful and, mostly, because I chose to do what I wanted to do.

Kirby let me sleep in (since I had been at the auction until 2am) and he and the boys woke me with breakfast in bed and brought me my gifts.



Kirby also bought me a bottle of smelly stuff that you put reeds into. It is suppose to release a beautiful smell in the air. Of course, that has already been put WAY out of the kids reach and I refuse to draw any attention to it or it will promptly be dumped on the carpet.

After breakfast we took the boys fishing for a couple hours. Kirby had to stop and get a new pole because we, somehow, ended up a pole short. If I remember correctly, Andrew broke his pole last year.

He showed up at the lake with this:







I said, "You bought a PINK fishing pole"..."it's the breast cancer awareness pole" he says. Well, look closely at the the last picture...it says "ladyfish"...hehehe. Little does he know that this is MY new pole! I have adopted it.









Tom got the only fish of the day. Everyone had fun - the walking trails were CRAZY busy! We saw horses and dogs and so many people. It was such a beautiful day. Andrew introduced himself to "Pepper" the dalmatian mix that was squatting a few feet from us...his owner yelled for Andrew to wait a minute but, you know Andrew, waiting is NEVER an option. Yuck!

After fishing we stopped in Milton to drop a laptop with Keni-Lynn (for a mother and son that we have connected with through Embracing Autism). Unfortunately she wasn't there but I did get to see her little man Eddie (and her big man Ed and their dogs - including the cutest little dachshund named Lex). What a sweetie pie little Eddie is!

We went to my mother's for an hour before I went to the auction. We had chinese. The boys tried to fly kites. We played a game. My mother was unhappy we had so little time there...I was about an hour late...Part of me felt badly and part of me loved my day. I love my family, I love to spend time with them but I love to spend time with my kids too and we don't get a lot of that. It is my mother's day too.

And lastly I took the kids for a tour of the auction set. Andrew just LOVED it! He was so stinking cute! "IT'S THE QUICKIE BOARD!!!" Oh man, he just cracked everyone up!

I think this was the best Mother's Day yet. We didn't rush, we enjoyed ourselves. Last Mother's Day I got pulled over for doing 70+ in a 55. I explained to the officer that if he knew my mother he would understand why I was speeding. He chuckled, nodded his head and let me off without even a written warning. Of course, it could have been Andrew screaming "you're not going to arrest me are you" that scared him off...

"Mommy Bloggers" Unite!

I love Nightline. I'm not sure why. It is on when I really should be sleeping, but most nights I catch it.

A few nights ago I caught it and saw a great segment on "Mommy Bloggers". More specifically about Heather Armstrong from www.dooce.com, one of the best known "Mommy Bloggers". I had not heard of Heather or dooce.com before but vowed I would check it out first thing the next day. I am so glad I did.

Heather is the mommy that tells it like it is. She talks about how, sometimes, being a mommy is really hard. How sometimes you want to change your name and run away. About poop and...well...I'll let her explain it:

My name is Heather B. Armstrong. Some of you may remember me as Heather B. Hamilton. I am married to a charming geek named Jon. We live in Salt Lake City, Utah, with our four-year-old daughter, Leta Elise, and our six-year-old SuperMutt, Chuck, and a four-month-old miniature Australian Shepherd, Coco. The chaos in our house is unreal.

I am a Stay at Home Mom (SAHM) or a Shit Ass Ho Motherfucker. I do both equally well.

In a previous life I was a web designer. I lived in Los Angeles, California, for several years where I worked for drug-addicted executives and discovered what life was like as a recovering Mormon. This means that life was filled with PowerPoint templates and lethal amounts of tequila. I dated several actors and met a handful of celebrities. Everything you’ve ever heard about Los Angeles is absolutely true, especially the parts about traffic and actors: they really are that bad.

I grew up in a small suburb of Memphis, Tennessee, and graduated valedictorian of Bartlett High School in 1993. The reason I am telling you about the valedictorian part is because being able to say, “I was the valedictorian,” is the only privilege I ever got in life from achieving that goal. No one ever hired me because I was valedictorian. The lesson to be learned from this is: AIM LOW. Save yourself the time.

My parents raised me Mormon, and I grew up believing that the Mormon Church was true. In fact, I never had a cup of coffee until I was 23-years-old. I had pre-marital sex for the first time at age 22, but BY GOD I waited an extra year for the coffee. There had better be a special place in heaven for me.

I attended BYU from 1993-1997 and graduated with a degree in English. I firmly believe that BYU is the most horrible place on Earth, worse even than Disneyland. The one skill I learned in college that serves me well now is not how to solve differential equations or how to write a paper deconstructing “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock,” it’s how to distrust organized religion. I am no longer a practicing Mormon or someone who believes that Rush Limbaugh speaks to God. My family is understandably disappointed.

I started this website in February 2001. A year later I was fired from my job for this website because I had written stories that included people in my workplace. My advice to you is BE YE NOT SO STUPID. Never write about work on the internet unless your boss knows and sanctions the fact that YOU ARE WRITING ABOUT WORK ON THE INTERNET. If you are the boss, however, you should be aware that when you order Prada online and then talk about it out loud that you are making it very hard for those around you to take you seriously.

This website chronicles my life from a time when I was single and making a lot of money as a web designer in Los Angeles, to when I was dating the man who would become my husband, to when I lost my job and lived life as an unemployed drunk, to when I married my husband and moved to Utah, to when I became pregnant, to when I threw up and became unbearably swollen during the pregnancy, to the birth, to the aftermath, to the postpartum depression that landed me in a mental hospital. I’m better now.

In October 2005 I began running enough ads on this website that my husband was able to quit his job and become a Stay at Home Father (SAHF) or a Shit Ass Ho Fuckingbadass. He takes both very seriously. This website now supports my family.

I love bourbon, chips and salsa, Britpop, and television that excels at being really awful.

I gotta tell you, she is who I want to be. Well. Not EXACTLY. But I freaking love her blog. Check it out when you get a moment. See what she has been up to (including her interview on The Today Show with Kathie Lee *puke*).

The evil part of me...

Do you ever get the, nearly, uncontrollable urge to drive over the freshly painted lines on the road? I do. Anytime I see the road crew painting the lines I fight the desire to mess up those beautiful lines...this was my day.

Andrew had his neurologist's appointment today in Bedford. For those of you that don't know, Bedford is right outside of Manchester which means, nearly a 90 minute drive. I was asked to get there 10 minutes early and was told to be prepared for traffic. We left home by 9am.

Traffic was minimal most of the way down (or over as the case may be). I found the place with no problems - aside from the road crews on almost every road I came across.

I swear, every PWD (Public Works Department) in NH thought today was the perfect day to paint those lines. I hit them on almost every road I was on...well, not HIT them, just came across them.

The neurologist's appointment was just as uneventful. The doctor was great. He agreed that medicating my little man is not necessary. Although, he did say he has epilepsy (I guess anyone who has had more then 2 seizures is labeled that way). He suggested an MRI just to rule out a brain tumor (though he was sure to let me know that the chances of this were like 1 in 400); so, in a couple of months we will drive to Lebanon, NH for that (that's about 2 1/2 hours from here).

After the doctor we went to Alex's for lunch (he lives relatively close by) and got to see he and Andrea. THAT was eventful. Alex and Andrea have no reason to childproof their home and with Andrew no small amount of childproofing will do. the cat's toy mice ended up in the water dish, the fuzzy pens ended up there too...he ate more peanut M&Ms then any one child should in an afternoon and pulled apart the decorations. We left after an hour which was soon enough for me. Thankfully, this time we made it out without decorating anything with his feces...we have not been so lucky in the past.

We made it home (after a couple of stops because mom was getting a bit drowsy) without hitting an PWD crews, trucks or freshly painted lines...no matter how much I desired it. I guess that is the evil part of me...

Walking the distance...

So I decided not to run tonight. My Achilles is really bothering me - it even hurts to touch it - and I would rather not risk hurting it any more than it already is.

However, I am finding that keeping it moving keeps it feeling good. So I did go for a nice brisk 30 minute walk.

This time of year, when I get outside and take a few minutes to really see what is out there, I am reminded of what a beautiful place I live in. 30 minutes took me past one lake, once river, through some beautiful woods and a gorgeous park. Everything was quiet and still (aside from the woman who felt the need to discuss her dog's BMs and their frequency). Even the black flies and mosquitoes stayed away.

I am truly blessed.

Auction is over...

Late last night (early this morning actually) the last item up for bid was presented, the last board closed and I fell into bed a little after 3am. This is how I spent my Mother's Day. This is how I CHOOSE to spend my Mother's Day and have chosen for the past 3 years, at least.

I love the auction. I love the people at the auction (whom I typically only get to see once or twice a year). I love bidding at the auction (this week I have been the high bidder on 4 items - more on that later). And I love working the auction.

Of course, it is exhausting work. It's not like I am physically exhausting my body by doing manual labor, but, most every night that I am working I am on my feet for over 6 hours. This auction I was trained to do a different job. Not only was I on my feet for 6 hours but I was walking the majority of that time.

Last night there was a bit of drama on the set. I am a firm believer that if you are not having fun you shouldn't be there. This is a volunteer position. Nobody forces you to show up...if you are not enjoying yourself, LEAVE.

Another woman and I had been discussing this very thought all week long. We were both there to have fun (or so I thought) and I was not going to let anyone or anything get in the way. I am an adult, with 3 kids at home and a business of my own - I have enough drama without creating more.

It turns out that as I was "supervising" I made a comment that pissed her off. She had been a board marker (which is exactly what it sounds like - she marks the board with the high bids that are called out to her from a "supervisor", the phone operators then know what the highest bid is, in turn helping the phone bidders make their best bid). Of all the jobs at the auction, board marking is my least favorite. I had already marked on the earlier shift (happily because we were short handed). When my comment pissed her off, she threw her pen at me, told me she was leaving and I would have to mark.

Needless to say, I was shocked! My comment was made all in good fun and I couldn't believe that it had been taken otherwise. I also couldn't believe that she would just walk out on the last shift of the auction with only a couple hours left.

My punishment: to mark the "Q" Board the rest of the evening. (For those of you that do not watch the auction, the "Q" Board is also known as the "Quickie" Board because it is just that: Quick. Being so quick that makes it the hardest board to mark and last night was no exception as we had 20 boards rather than our normal cycle of 14.) This "punishment" was not given to me by anyone but myself. I knew it had to be done, I knew that I could handle it (or at least work my butt off trying to handle it) and I felt incredibly bad about what happened.

Of course, this was not all my fault, I was not the cause of this situation. There was no punishment aside from the one I gave myself. I feel badly that she misunderstood my joking and I feel badly that I was not able to read that this was not a time to joke with her. I also feel badly that we may have lost a volunteer that works double shifts the entire auction and comes in to help prep for the auction.

Having said all that, I will repeat: THIS IS A VOLUNTEER POSITION. YOU ARE NOT FORCED TO BE THERE BY ANYONE BUT YOURSELF. IF YOU ARE NOT HAVING FUN, GO HOME!

I don't know what will happen if/when I see her again. I don't know if she will return next year or for the "Mini Auction" (which is an auction for only the volunteers from the auction to bid on anything that didn't sell or was never picked up or they were overstocked with) or at the volunteer BBQ. I don't know what I will say...I want to apologize, but, for what? For joking with her? For her actions? Hmmm....something to think about.

Last night's drama aside - this year's auction was wonderful. I had a great time with my new "job", I lost 10lbs (most people gain weight at the auction because there is SO MUCH wonderful food), I loved seeing the people that I adore so much, I love being part of such a great cause and I loved showing my kiddos the set yesterday.

I did overwork myself last night and I am feeling it today. Board marking is a workout! I have Achilles tendon issues anyway and I re-injured it last night...I worry what it will feel like tonight when I start my first night of running...

It has been decided that in order to be a good auction volunteer you need to be a little quirky. I mean, come one, who, in their right mind, would use their only week of vacation time to volunteer for 10 8+ hours shifts? A quirky person, that's who. Auction people are fun, loving and a little wacky :)

Last night's drama is not normal. The end of auction "week" (it is actually 10 days) is always bittersweet. We are all exhausted from the hours and the work but we love it enough to work our butts off and not get paid - we are family.

Do you think you are one of us? Learn more at www.nhptv.org/auction

Oui for Jessi

I love this plate and had to grab a picture for Jessi, my "Oui" girl.

Where oh where could my MP3 player be???

So I remember exactly where I (think) I saw it last. I soaked in the tub for a little bit yesterday (not usually a fan of soaking in my own filth, but needed the heat on my aching body), I listened to it while I soaked. After my soak I went upstairs to get dressed and promptly fell asleep on the bed listening...

So, I pray to Saint Michael...no, Saint Andrew...Anthony! I pray to Saint Anthony to help me find my sanity...errr...MP3 player.


St. Anthony, St. Anthony
Please come down
Something is lost
And can't be found

or

Dear St. Anthony, I pray
Bring it back, without delay.

or

Something's lost and can't be found
Please, St. Anthony, look around.

Whichever, my MP3 is missing and I need it...or want it, very badly :)


It needs to be loaded up with some new "movement" music, as well as some of the old favorites (especially "I Run For Life" - I think it is especially appropriate considering). Let's face it, you can't run without music. Well, maybe some of you can...not me.

Which reminds me, thanks to Meghan T. for blogging about www.slacker.com. If you aren't aware of it, it is just like Sirius or XM but available online without any charge. I love it and it feeds my music hunger pretty well throughout the day. I can even play a selected artist (right now I am enjoying some Counting Crows and similar artists like The Wallflowers).

Eating to fuel

After reading Nicki's suggested site (www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml) I have decided it can't be all that hard. What's 60 seconds of running, right?

Don't get me wrong, I know it will be hard and all those things I mentioned yesterday will happen. I will jiggle and breath heavy (if you haven't had the chance to read about my last encounter with working out, check it out here: http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=86633357&blogID=260109458&Mytoken=64EFF953-F8D7-4763-9F1B37E41204CAA326038130 - there is some language in there that I would never use here, just beware). However, I will not die. This will not kill me. I will survive!

So, I have scheduled myself for 3 nights of running 3 days a week through July - literally - I wrote it down in my planner. If I don't schedule it, it won't happen. I will schedule around it, I will find reasons I don't have to do it...so I write it in. 8pm, Monday, Wednesday and Friday - from now until July - starting next Monday (there is no way it is going to happen this week - especially not with the auction happening).

Next stop: Jog Bra. Any suggestions? Alex? Hehe, just kidding :)

And, most importantly, I need to eat for fuel. There is no way I am going to be able to run like this on DD's donuts and ice cream. My diet needs a complete revamp. More protein, less sugar and simple carbs...oh man, I love my BJ's (you know, Ben and Jerry's), I love my Lindt chocolates (thank YOU auction)...I am a sugaraholic - no joke.

I can do this. It is not like I have never done this before. It is not like I don't know how to do this. Of all people, I am a PRO at knowing how to do this. Holding myself accountable...that is a different story...

Dreams of running

Lately I have been dreaming of running. I'm not running from anything or even towards anything in particular. I am running for the shear enjoyment of running. Anyone who knows anything about me probably knows that I am not a runner...I am not even a fast walker. But I wake with a desire to run and enjoy it.

At the onset of adulthood I began a never ending struggle with my weight. About 3 years ago I lost 100lbs. I have, slowly, crept right back to where I was. Running right now seems like a near impossible feat. In fact, walking fast right now has become tough...

Last night I dreamt that after I got Andrew off to school I threw on a pair of sweats and hit the trails. I ran with ease, no heavy breathing, no gasping for air, no cramps, I just loved it - every minute of it. Soon after getting Andrew on the bus reality hit me - it will not be easy, it will not be fun, I will not glide and things will jiggle (much to my dismay).

I don't like things that are not easy. I don't like things that I am not good at. I am a brat - plain and simple. Rather than work at it until I get better, I stomp my foot, fuss and whine (even if only in my head) and wait for something to make it easier.

This fall, after climbing Mount Major with a team raising money for breast cancer, I was talking to a "co-worker" about how tough it was. He explained that he use to run it twice a day...Then, this afternoon, I read Jessi's blog announcing her plan to run the Manchester Marathon in November.

What makes them different from me? I am good at a number of things, I work hard, I want to succeed...I want to run. I want to love running and know that I am doing good things for my body, soul and mind.

So...where do I start?

Busy, busy, busy!!

So much happening, so little time to sit down and post!

Embracing Autism is making HUGE strides! I have never been more proud to be part of something! We have held three fundraisers and made well over $1000! This is huge!

This money is seed money to be sure that our August Autism Awareness/Family Day goes off without a hitch! We have so many plans and want to be sure that this day is all about the families. This little bit of money will help us make that happen.

We have also been in contact with some families that really need our help. If nothing else, they need to hear from someone that they are not alone.

One family has a 3 year old that was just diagnosed with autism. She doesn't have any idea what to do. He is the sweetest little boy who allowed me to pick him up, hold him and rock him...it was heart melting. She is looking for a computer for her son to use. He has shown some interest but they can't afford one. Thanks to www.freecycle.org I was able to find a Dell Notebook and will be bringing it to her this weekend! I am SO excited! I can't wait to see the looks on their faces!

Moving on...yesterday I made a $600 deposit on my office space. I have found two wonderful women to share the other office. I am really excited about the changes! We will be painting and redecorating and making the place look brand new (or at least like some major changes have taken place).

One of the best things to come of Mark's move was my rent payment. Although the landlords went up on the rent, now that I have two people sharing his old office, I am paying less. Perfect! So, thank you all for the support you offered me, it certainly is turning out better than I could have imagined!

"Bid High, Bid Often"...tonight is the start of the 35th Annual New Hampshire Public Television (NHPTV) Auction! If you live in NH and you don't know what this is, you are missing out!

Every spring, NHPTV holds a live, on-air auction. The auction is FULL of donated things from across NH and the country. Everything from overnight stays to t-shirts to baseball cards to MASSAGE GIFT CERTIFICATES (that's right, a gift certificate of mine is being auctioned off every night).

While watching the auction is huge fun, BEING there is a completely different ball game! For the past 5 years (I think) I have volunteered a night or more of my time. It has gradually increased over the years from one night, to two, to 6, to whenever they need me :) This year I will be working both weekends, double shifts. I will be there when the auction starts (6pm) and stay as long as they are on air (12am or so).

So, keep your eyes peeled, I will be there, waving at the camera, working hard (bidding harder) and enjoying every minute!

Take me out to the ballgame...baseball season is here! Zachary has been practicing since before the snow was off the fields and tonight is his first game. He also has a game tomorrow afternoon AND school in the morning. Crazy! He is going to be one tired little man come 8am Monday morning!

If you are interested in getting to one of his games and need a schedule please let me know. While most games are here in Wolfeboro we do have one in Wakefield.

I keep score during the games (it can be tricky but since I did it last year the coach is counting on me). I really hope these kiddos are a bit better behaved than last year's...keeping score also means watching them in the dugout, getting them in line up, etc, etc. It'll be a great year.

So, keep your eyes out for me on NHPTV (Channel 11 for most of you) this weekend and next. Bid high, bid often! Enjoy the spring weather, get out to a baseball game!